It's been a while since I've posted, and it's mostly because my life has gotten pretty fucking weird lately.  Basically, I can categorize the past few weeks into good, bad and ugly.

The good is the shortest (in items), and perhaps most inconsequential list.  1) I'm finally writing again, which I attribute partially to point good thing number 2) Working with the Obama campaign has been a lot of fun.  For a couple of weeks now, we've been putting a good bit of effort into the Obama campaign.  We've called, we've canvassed, we've tabled... we've been involved with Akron for Obama and Kent State Students for Obama.  I met Ted Kennedy and talked to him about healthcare for ten minutes before a rally.  We volunteered at and attended two rallies featuring Barack Obama himself. It's been good to do this, because I feel involved, and because I got away from academic work for a little bit and involved my mind differently.  I've written some about these experiences (including pictures!) on my barackobama.com profile and blog.  Also, 3) We got our federal tax return, most of which we used to pay bills and save for a brief spring break trip we'll be taking with my parents.

The bad: 1) My teeth hurt.  Badly.  I need a fucking dentist.  Ted Kennedy said he'd be making some calls on my behalf to get my teeth worked on (which is what we talked about in our conversation, how they're interfering with my ability to focus on work), but it's only been a week.  I'm in constant pain from this, and I have to take tons of pain reliever for it each day.  I also go through at least a tube of Orajel each week.  I've been offered various leftover prescription narcotic pain killers by concerned friends, but I've thus far refused them because of my addictive personality.   2) The social and relationship problems of various friends have broken my heart by proxy the past couple weeks.  Not only am I exceptionally empathetic for my poor friends who are going through horrible times, but things like this (as most things do) open up a whole can of my own insecurities to boot.   3) We've let our house go the past couple weeks with all of our volunteering, and even though we improved it dramatically this weekend, it's still a mess.  I wish we were rich enough to hire someone to deal with shit like this, but pay him/her a living wage and provide benefits (we wouldn't hire someone any other way).  4) The fucking siding guys still haven't finished our house.  That's getting really really old.  Now, every time it rains, since there are no downspouts anymore, the water drains from the roof, beside the foundation and into the basement.

So, these things are bad enough, but what about the ugly?

Oh, yes.  The ugly: Apparently, I may have no source of funding for next year.  The department was expecting to put me on the university fellowship, which was a university-provided research line given to each department each year to cover one student for one semester, then the department would provide me with a teaching assistantship for the other.  Unfortunately for me and probably other people in my boat, the university decided to pull these lines and reallocate the money to some generic graduate student fund (which basically means the money will never be seen again).  The department's funding has already been budgeted and planned, which means there is no money left.  What does this mean for me?  The department is (possibly) working on something, but I've got a handful of possibilities (at least to remain in Kent) that range from having one part-time class at Kent (50-60% of my current, somewhat sad income), or four to five classes at various regional campuses (which each will pay 50% of the Kent campus class, meaning I'd need four of these to break even), or some other unknown option.  There is a possibility that nothing will work out right enough for us to stay around here, in which case I'm working on applications for lecturer, instructor and visiting assistant professor jobs at various schools thorughout the country (using these as a safety net in case nothing works out).  Jim says it's possible for me to finish my dissertation by August.  I think he's probably dreaming.  I also think I need more seasoning, but it does not look like I will necessarily have that luxury anymore.

This has totally messed with me.  I know the funding thing is not anyone's fault except for some faceless administrators somewhere.  I know it's ultimately my fault for not finishing a PhD in three years (even though, by everyone's admission, the standard is four years in every other geography department in the country).  Still, I'm so used to loving my job that this whole stress and no stability thing has completely thrown me for a loop.  After I found out on Thursday, I went to my class and stumbled around worse than I ever have in front of a class.  I spoke pretty much incoherently.  I forgot my lecture notes, so I forgot an entire part of what I wanted to cover.  I asked them to fill out a participation note card, but the prompt I gave them was so incoherent and pointless that they looked at me in complete confusion (this actually isn't normal).  The students were confused and concerned, a couple even wrote me an email to ask afterwards if everything was okay, apparently thinking that I was having a major meltdown.  After all of that, I felt like quitting and never looking back, just getting a cube job somewhere for some idiotic government bureaucracy.... those of you who've heard me ramble on about career goals know that this is not a normal thought for me!

I know I will be able to eventually channel these frustrations into angrily writing my dissertation.  Nothing works better for my motivation, though it's likely to make my writing more bitter, more Marxist, more revolutionary than I ever anticipated.  Stilll, if I can channel that, maybe I'll be done by August like Jim seems to think. 

So there it is.  In a lot of ways, it's been rough the past few weeks.  I can't complain now, really, because it's probably going to get much rougher as deadlines come up and so on.

Wish me luck...