Yesterday, I had a pretty awesome workout.  I pushed myself hard, and I did so even though Amy wasn't able to go because she was sick.  Then, when I was done, the showers gave me warm water even though they were supposedly broken.  Certainly, a good time.

Of course, working out alone and enjoying working out was strange, but it got me thinking about something. Could the impossible come true, namely, exercise become something of a hobby?  I mean, I've started doing it out of necessity, because I'm 26 years old and I found myself already exceptionally worried that my biological vessel will deteriorate to a state of uselessness in the forseeable future.  I determined, for the first time in my life, that I wanted more time to be alive than what my current lifestyle was making possible.  Fear is a big motivator, just ask those 58 million that foolishly voted for Dubya in 2004.

But then, I got to thinking more and determined that I really don't have any hobbies, per se.  Everything I do these days is somehow productive.  I mean, think about it.  Through most of my life, my biggest hobbies were reading, writing and learning.  Now, I do those for a job.  Working with animals could be considered a hobby, but it's also productive in that it's become our largest active microphilantrophical save-the-world contribution.  Web design and such could be considered a hobby, but I don't really really enjoy the process of doing it, only the product, so I typically only bother with that to meet a specific end (such as animal rescue or school projects).

Okay, so what of music?  Ah, yes, that portion of my life and character, which was so important for so many years, but that has so totally fallen to the wayside in the past five years.  I used to play music constantly, but in becoming a professional student, I haven't had time nor energy to do so.  Also, I absolutely loathe playing in audible range of other people unless I'm part of a large group during a performance (hence, one reason that I never made it to becoming a music performance major... I couldn't do the solo stuff).  In fact, the only time I've bothered to play viola much the past five years was when Amy was outside of the house because I get so freaked out about it.

Of course, now the incredibly expensive (and way-too-nice-for-me) viola is in disrepair and sitting on my mom's piano in Indiana, awaiting their tax return so they can have the luthier fix it up.  Beyond that, Amy and my schedules are so similar that I'm basically never home alone, if I wanted to play.  Our piano, which I enjoy messing around on, is horrendously out of tune and we can't spare the money to get something so trivial accomplished.  I've never conquered the guitar (which is something I would have traded all of my musical skills and a testicle for), even though Amy has a nice one, and playing the bass by itself is lame.  I also have a mandolin, but I get freaked out playing in front of people just like the viola.  I fear my time as a musician is mostly over, because I have no time and no musical group outlet.

As my workouts continued, I started combing through some other things that I spend time doing, seeing if any of those could be considered a hobby.  Sometimes, I go psycho and clean like a crazy person around the house, especially if stuff gets messy or if I'm generally angry about something.  If I get to cleaning more than about 10 minutes in such a mindset, I go completely OCD and won't stop until the house is perfect.  Of course, being in our house with an OCD mindset (or any house that's actually lived in... no one is perfect) just makes me angrier, and this cycle eventually becomes self-destructive.  Though it's self-destructive, it's also ultimately productive because something gets accomplished.  Not a hobby.

But then I remembered a few of things I've repeatedly come across as potential future hobbies in the past.  I always thought that collecting coins would be fun, and I sort of do that anyway.  I've got a stash of coins from a few dozen different countries, which I've picked up as I've traveled to these places.  It combines a some of my biggest interests, including history, geography and economics.  It's a collector thing, so it's far more materially based than my reading and writing habits.  And really, it can be a pretty cheap collector thing, especially if I start out with common coins and such (which I already have done on a limited scale, though I don't pursue it unless I'm in a foreign country, and that just doesn't happen much these days).

I've also thought recently of taking an art class through like the parks system or something.  I always liked painting, even though I was horrible at it.  I got a C in the art class I took my sophomore year of high school, because I was so terrible.  I also am really really bad with colors, so my art always looked like it was done by a blind person.

Another thing I've always wanted to do was to mess around with amateur astronomy.  I used to watch the stars when I was a kid, like up until I was 13 or so.  I also took an astronomy class in college and ended up with a 117%, which the prof said was the best score he'd ever seen and tried to get me to become a physics/astronomy major (it was one of those classes where you only needed like a 75% to get an A).  There are so many tools and such out there for amateur astronomers (such as internet resources) that weren't around when I used to dabble in it as a pre-teen.  A good telescope set-up can be had for less than a thousand dollars.  Of course, a thousand dollars is a lot of money to me right now, and I don't have a place to set up, since the sky where we live right now has no stars (which, depending on the night at hand, can be caused by city lights or clouds, and if it's not one, it's the other).

Of course, each of these hobbies requires more money than I've got, and probably more time too.  For now, I'll just sit back and do whatever I'm doing, awaiting the day that I can actually afford some sort of extracurricular activities like these.  Still, a guy can dream....

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 12:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When baseball players, particularly hitters, encounter a rough period (a "slump,") during which they aren't getting many hits, it's tradition that they don't really talk about it, because they want to focus on getting out of the slump and hitting again.  Part of this, of course, is the very denial that the slump has ever occurred in the first place, because if the slump hasn't occurred, it can't then continue.

I'm not a baseball player, but I've been subscribing to this mode of thinking now since before Christmas.  I'm going to admit it now: I'm in a slump.  Not one of my normal, depression-based hate-the-world slumps.  I've done remarkably well with managing that lately, especially since Amy and I began working out regularly.  No, I'm in a writing slump, and I haven't figured out a way to get out of it just yet.

I've always been a streaky writer.  If I'm given a one-week deadline for a paper, I'll have it done.  I'll spend most of the week thinking about the paper, reading about the paper, and then in a couple of random bursts at various points in the week (no, not all at the end), I'll write it.  In this process, I will have spent approximately 40% of my time thinking or talking about it, 10% writing it, and 50% of my time just dicking around doing nothing remotely productive.

Lately, I've completely eliminated the 10% writing period, and I'm just thinking/talking 40% and dicking around 60%.  I can't get on track, and I can't write even though I know basically exactly what I'm going to say.

This really bothers me, because it has basically single-handedly disrupted any notion of progress that I've had, either on the two papers I was going to write over break (oops) or the dissertation I should be writing now (much much bigger oops). 

(I guess it should tell you something if this particular blog entry was written while I'm at work, and not at midnight or whatever when I can't sleep.)

Ultimately, I'm going to have to declare war on myself, lock myself in a room while I'm at home and just work.  I have to have a period of time where I'm absolutely focused in order to get back on track.  Otherwise, I might be ABD forever, and never PhD.  That would suck.

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 04:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We welcomed a new family member to our household today. His name is Merlin:



Merlin is a new MacBook. He came to us with an Intel Duo Core processor clocking in at 2.2 gHz of computing goodness, with 2 gb of memory and a decent 120 gb hard drive. Those numbers have me salivating as much as a redneck who hears a long description of a gun ending in "ought-six."

The gas company was nice enough today to send us the money it owed us. It had been overcharging us ever since we moved into this house (the meter was in the basement, and since we, like most people, work between 9 and 5 each day, they simply estimated our usage) which resulted in more than $1500 of credit on our bill. By the time we finally got the check today, they had already taken out a month more of service, but whatever, right? It's still money we didn't know was coming, and it fell into our laps.

Once that check came, and after my meetings today, we cashed it at the bank and drove up to the Apple Store in Legacy Village in Cleveland. Thing was, I was having the hardest time talking myself into actually buying a new computer because mine had miraculously started working again. To remedy my mind, we took my old one with us to be diagnosed. The diagnosis was a faulty logic board, as expected, though the repair bill offered was far less. The "genius" informed us that my laptop was eligible for a flat-rate $300 repair.

This gave us something of a dilemma, because really, should we spend that money if we can just fix mine? After a lot of discussing, rationalizing, and calling trusted confidantes for advice, we determined that it was time to move on. We ultimately agreed with my parents, who told us that something was supposed to happen if we got a totally unexpected check the same week my computer died, and that if it died for good we'd never have that resource to make the change again.

Even though I've loved every little second I've been using Merlin, I'm still feeling guilty. When we came out to the car, I saw my old iBook sitting in the backseat, with the sleep light slowly "snoring" as Macs do. I felt terrible. I felt like I had betrayed my old, dear friend.

I have a built-in guilt complex. I always have, and I always will. When I would accidentally break a toy when I was a kid, I would guilt myself practically to tears thinking about all of the workers who worked so hard to make me that toy, and that I had wasted their efforts. Even today, I still sometimes get into mindsets where all I can do is play a long looped tape in my head filled with my most embarrassing moments, even as far back as when I was like five or so.

When I saw my iBook, still very much alive and seemingly fighting for that life, sitting in my backseat, I felt like the smallest person alive. Brutus, Judas Iscariot and Benedict Arnold, all rolled into one horrible fucking package. I knew the iBook's feelings were devastated.

Perhaps I anthropomorphize too much. Okay, I'm certain that I do, but even though this new Merlin is quite a flashy and entertaining guy (naming things is the other end of my humanizing idiosyncrasies ), I still feel bad.

The good news is, the iBook's life will continue somewhere else. He may go to Kory's house and be an art computer, which would be a decent retirement, I suppose. I might sell him, I guess. I thought briefly about taking him apart and selling his pieces, but I can't imagine how that would mess with my mind. Amy's told me that I can't become my father and just keep all of my old computers (which, I agree, is a good thing to avoid). Something will happen, I'm just not sure what quite yet.

But otherwise, today was a great day. After work and computer stuff, I took Amy to Red Robin on the way back from Cleveland where I drank a rare beer (I craved the taste of a Guinness, so damnit, I had one). We had a nice wonderful together. I couldn't have asked for more, computer or none.

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 12:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

By some act of God, my computer is still running.  I keep thinking, just maybe, it's okay, which makes me feel like a dumbass for looking at new laptops.  How quickly I forget that it took 50-plus restarts to turn on correctly this last time, and that it's been a little stressful to remember to keep it on for the past 30 hours or so.

I'm thinking I'm going to be getting a new MacBook.  (Yes, I SOOOOOO want the MacBook Air, but it's SOOOOOO IMPRACTICAL for my needs and it's a touch too pricey).   Even though I think the black version is "hotter," I will be going with the white one to contrast Amy's little black one, which she calls MelMac.  If I soup up the white one to be even with the specs that Amy's computer has, it will cost two dollars more than hers did.  Odd, right?

Of course, I am excited to get a new machine, I won't lie.  I am excited to get the new Leopard operating system, because it has a lot of features I find very useful.  I am excited to get Boot Camp so I can run Windows shit and probably my coding softward for my dissertation research.  And I'm still having pre-buyer's remorse because I'm sure that I can milk a few more years out of my iBook.

Being poor (and thinking about Marxist stuff all the time) for the past, well, bunch of years is really starting to mess with my patriotic duty as an American: to buy everything I can afford (and even crap I can't) and have no worries.  I'm too paranoid that buying something is going to rape us in the ass repeatedly, and we'll have to eat ramen or really shitty pasta for a few months (though, sometimes we dig ourselves into enough of a hole to force that hand anyway).

My New Years resolutions are going fairly well.  The ones I was most concerned with, that is, to live a more healthy lifestyle and to be more social (and hence, more healthy mentally) have both been doing well.  I think this is a good thing.  My teaching thus far has also gone well, as I obviously needed the holiday break to recouperate.  I've taught World enough times that it comes far more naturally now.  I haven't needed multiple classes to find my mojo.... though I would like the classroom to have maps.  How do you teach world geography without maps?  I know I've asked this before, but the question still hasn't been answered!  (Though, luckily a loaner beach ball globe proved effective today, though that won't last).

I've had a weird craving to pick up a second language lately.  I don't know why, but I'm looking into that.  I think Spanish would be useful and helpful, and I took that in high school (so long ago) but I've always wanted to learn German.  I've read good things about the Rosetta Stone software, but it's so expensive.  That's probably a project for a later time.

The fruits of my book buying binge have begun to arrive.  I got three books in the mail today.  Any day where someone gets three books is a good day.  I've probably got a few more days like this to go.  When I get up to it, I'll post a list of what I've bought in the last month.  Let's just say that I'm going to have a pretty nice little Katrina library, and I'm going to be able to write the hell out of my dissertation.

What a worthless post.  I suck. 

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 11:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The semester has now begun, and yes, it's going to present some interesting challenges.  We've been up early each day to work out.  My class, now enrolled with 165 students, is large and is located in a classroom without a map.  How do you teach world geography without any maps?  I'm not sure how to deal with that particular challenge just yet, so...

Tonight, I'm in something of a weird mood.  A good friend of mine for (basically) a most of the past five years is in the process of dying.  It's my iBook.  I know I've written of the problems this computer has had in the past six months or so.  It's had a bad adapter, a bad battery, a bad power connection.  Its hard drive got full, so I had to get an external hard drive, and it's memory ran out, so I upgraded.  All of these helped, but the time for help has passed.

Last night, the logic board began to act up.  I knew this day was coming, because the speakers had been shorting out here and there for the past year, and sometimes the screen would go dead until I restarted the machine.  These are logic board problems, and in an iBook, a logic board is basically everything.  It's been really flaky over the past six months, frequently dying while I lecture in class, and croaking at least four times during my dissertation defense.  When I got my evaluations back today from the fall semester, one of my students commented, "this guy's a great teacher, but for God's sakes buy him a new laptop!"

Last night, while surfing before bed, it went black, then flashed through a dozen or so screens of solid colors before landing on black again for good.  Restart, and nothing.  Twenty more restarts, and still nothing.  The logic board was on its last legs.

Today, after more than fifty restarts, I got the thing to start up normally.  Because most of my academic livelihood was on my laptop's hard drive, I backed up every shred of data on to my external hard drive.  It's all saved, and my life is preserved.

Thank God.  How many hundreds (thousands) of hours of work could I have lost?  I wrote every paper in grad school on this computer or its immediate predecessors.  I chatted with Amy online for the first time on one of these, and spent hours falling in love with her that way.  I wrote a thesis, applications for PhD programs, a dissertation proposal, and my first two publications.  I've got this thing pimped out with all kinds of software that I don't own, which I've used on all kinds of projects like web sites and book designs.  I've got nearly 6,000 photos recording the last five years of my life, and the entire time I've spent with Amy.  I've spent countless thousands of hours surfing the web, downloading music, films, TV shows and books.  I've used it every day at work as my own personal jukebox.  It's like my right-hand man or something.

Logic board problems are nothing new for iBooks.  My first iBook was a two-USB, G3 900 mHz model which I purchased in August 2003.  The logic board on those iBooks were notorious for frying, to the point that Apple offered the a recall replacement program for three years.  After my logic boards were replaced three times, they replaced my bunk computer with a refurbished G4 1.42 gHz, which was built in 2003 but a newer, better machine.  That's what I've got today.  Supposedly the G4 has a non-faulty logic board.  Looking around online, this seems to be true, as reports of failure aren't nearly as prevalent as with the G3.  However, this doesn't mean that the logic board is immortal.

Logic boards are available online for various prices.  I can buy one, untested (and likely fried) on eBay for about $379.  I can get new OEM one from an Apple certified supplier for $800.  To have Apple install one is at least $700.  It's a fee that's pricey enough that it's now beyond the realm of sensibility to repair a five year-old computer when I can buy a brand new one, without any reported logic board problems, for a few hundred dollars more.

Luckily, we've got a ray of hope.  The gas company, due to metering problems, overcharged us by enough money that we may be able to soon afford a new laptop.  Supposedly, the check is due to be delivered sometime in the next few days or so.  When that comes, it will be time for a trip to the Apple Store in Cleveland to get me a new MacBook.

So much for saving that money, eh? 

Of course, I'm going through a period of mourning of sorts.  Even though I've safely backed up my data, when I was erasing all of this sensitive information (since I'm unsure of the ultimate fate of this computer's components once it finally dies for good) it was oddly sad.  I was saying goodbye to an old friend.

Now, I've got a weird dilemma.  I'm sitting here right now, typing this blog entry on my iBook.  I managed to get it started around 3:00 today, and it's been on ever since.   I know that its time is limited, because once it restarts, or once its logic board gets bumped the slightest bit off-kilter and the screen goes black-then-colors-then-black again, the computer won't work correctly anymore.  It will, effectively, die, and our time together will be over.  And that's just sad.

So, I'm slowly bidding my friend farewell tonight.  After that, and after I get my new machine, I'll either part this one out, give it away, donate it, or something.  I don't know.  I can't imagine that my original planned donation target, Kory, will want anything to do with an old mac that actually needs hundreds of dollars of work.

So long, amigo.  It's been a fun five years.  I'll miss you.

(And oddly, I really really mean that.)

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm really pretty ready for the new semester to start, I think.  This lack of a solid routine has really messed me up over the past few weeks.

The new semester should present some good new challenges.  I never got around to finishing those articles I wanted to during break, which I partially blame on a lack of routine.  I never felt like it was time to work.  Stupid?  Sure, but that's the way I roll.  I should be able to wrap those up pretty quickly once I'm in a solid work routine.

Also, I have a class that's has an enrollment currently hovering around 150 students.  That's a pretty huge fucking class!  I like playing to a full room, like any performer.  (I know, cringe all you want, but there's a definite performer's aspect to teaching).  It's going to be really hard to make that arena feel like a coffeeshop (and yes, if any of my students happen upon this post, that line is sooo going to be used on the first day).

The good news is that somehow, Amy and I have started going to the campus recreation center to work out on most mornings.  I would call this a trend instead of a short-term fad, but we're not there yet.  We've gone six days out of the last eight.  That ain't yet a trend, because one day off could completely derail us. I feel physically better than I have in, well, probably years.  This is a good thing, right?  I don't even want to lose weight, I just want to be healthier, which means I've already accomplished my objective.

Amy and I also joined forces with Kory, Kory-and-Amy-Amy, and a lady named Christine to start a new animal rescue called Nikita's Wish.  As you may remember, we had gotten fed up with bullshit in Rose's Rescue, and now we all have now exiled ourselves to a new group.  Since we're just getting started, we don't have a 501(c)3, which means no donations are tax-deductible yet.  That's our first goal, and we've raised some of the money toward getting that.   You could go donate a few bucks if you like.

(I just wish I could take credit for the web design.  Kory-and-Amy-Amy kicks my ass around a tree and back in that regard.  Instead, I am just a co-founder, treasurer and foster father.  Pshaw.)

I really wish we could afford to fix Pedro.  He deserves it, but alas, we are poor.

My thoughts are so fucking scrambled tonight. I'm bored and tired.  And, I'm out. 

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 10:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My gmail account has been totally swamped by penis enlargement advertisement emails.  I really don't understand where these are coming from.  How in the world could I get on these lists?  None of my exes have my current e-mail address, and Amy swears it's not her (though I have my doubts).  Therefore, my appearance on these lists have no basis in reality, right?  Right?!

I can't imagine how effective these emails could possibly be.  I know such an industry thrives on insecurities, and I'm generally insecure enough in everything about myself that I am a perfect target for such garbage.  But seriously, look at an email I got today, addressed to me by "Claudio Haigas," and subject line "miatetes."  FYI, the link is DEFINITELY not safe for work or school.

"9 inches is too long - after I grew to 8 inches, I stopped taking VPXL! http://Beshashenis.com/"

That's it.  That's all that's in the email.  I clicked on the link, out of.... curiosity... and found this somewhat ridiculous graphic (as well as some very convincing pictures of before and after, further down on the page).

 

Honestly, it's a fairly legit-looking website, so I can see how people might get fooled. I just wish Gmail would do its normally decent job of filtering this shit so I don't have to log in every few days to clean everything out.  Because, unfortunately, that's the only real reason I have to even visit my gmail account anymore.

But how did I get on this list?  Perhaps a student who was disgruntled about grades decided to sign me up.  These emails did start pouring in after final grades were posted.... 

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're back in Akron these days.  We spent a very long and enjoyable time in Indiana over the holidays, seeing a number of people and greatly appreciating their company.  At the same time, the 12 days we spent in Indiana were a bit disorienting in a number of ways.  We were back there long enough that our life in Akron started to drift into our memory, almost as though we had moved home from that time away.  Even though being with our families was wholly positive, I don't know if the amount of time we spent at home was entirely healthy to our sense of place.  It's not that we're necessarily homesick after coming back to Akron, but... it's like our minds don't really know how to respond.

Anyway, I should move onto the topic at hand. 

Before I wrote in a blog, I've never put more than about a mayfly's sex-act of thought into New Years resolutions.  Now, for the third year in a row, I'm dealing with them in some fashion.  You can read the 2006 and 2007 versions if you're really bored (or if you haven't eaten enough fiber and are stuck on the shitter with your laptop for an extended seating...).  But I don't expect you to look back, or really even give a shit about that for two reasons.  For one, they're unimportant.  For two, I'm rehashing the 2007 resolutions with a progress report below.

I don't really know what my opinions are on New Years Resolutions anymore.  New Years provides a convenient line to draw in the sand, a place of measurement and whatnot that ultimately is just as ambiguous and ultimately meaningless as any sand line.  Honestly, in many ways, it's just a reminder of everyone's failed potential, and how painful it is to not realize that.  I used to be drawn to failed potential, which partially explains my gravitation toward jobs in the crappy budget cinemas and drive-ins that I used to work back in college.  It also explains my odd and misplaced desire to eventually own some sort of business, and perhaps my working with students in the first place.

Either way, my own failed potential is a demon I constantly face.  I've wasted most of my academic career to-date by not really trying.  I've wasted most of my social history on trying too hard to be cool.  I've wasted what could have been a promising music sorta-career by direly hating to practice.  I continue to waste my body and health on crappy food and slothenly lifestyles.  I continue to waste my mental energy by fucking around on internet things like Facebook.

Truth is, I've gotten somewhere despite my thousands of failures.  Beyond that, should luck have bounced the other way entirely, I might have ended up a homeless, faceless meth addict wandering the streets of Muncie's south side, looking for my next hit.  But still, it's those things that could have happened that always weigh heavily on my mind.  Failing my potential is the main thing that motivates me, even though it doesn't always work.  I swear, I've got some sort of Jekyll-Hyde complex where there's a really productive version of myself, and one that's out there just to ruin everything.  New Years provides that spot at which my failures can be addressed, and I can work to suppress Mr. Hyde just a little more.

So, how about last year's resolutions?  I'll remind you what they are, since I figure you may have occupied your minds with other things since that time (I know I have... I barely remembered half of these things).  I'll comment, of course, and keep a running total to see which of my subdivisions are controlling my destiny. 

1. Read TWO recreational books per month. I guess it really depends upon how I label the books.  If I say that a recreational book has to have nothing to do with my research or teaching, then I probably read maybe ten books this year.  If not, I've hit this goal.  Since I really enjoy my work and research, I'll say that I hit this goal.  Good Andy leads his dark side, 1-0.

2. Have two finished publications, two more new ones in review and a dissertation that is getting pretty damn close to being finished.  Well, this didn't technically happen.  For one thing, I drastically changed topics and perspectives (as well as advisers) for my dissertation, pushing back my finishing date a year.  But, the question is, what did I actually finish?  Well, I do now have two finished publications.  I don't yet have two in review, but I'm really close to having a first draft of each.  And while my dissertation isn't "pretty damn close to being finished," I did finish all of my requirements for candidacy and I made it to being ABD.  I'll say that I got half of this one finished, meaning that I'm still ahead of my shadow, 1.5-0.5.

3. Before New Years 2008, get a haircut and buy some professional clothing.  I originally wrote this thinking that I would be finished with school in May of 2008.  That's not happening.  I did get a haircut at some point during this year (late September?) which took off over 12 inches (as much as 20 in some parts of my head), and still made me look like some stupid hippie.  As for professional clothing, I enter 2008 wearing mostly the same rags.  Score one for the bad guys.... tied at 1.5.

4. Conquer New York City. Yeah, so I didn't come any closer to NYC than Youngstown, Ohio.  Sad.  I got all the way to San Francisco, so that's something, right?  I will be taking Amtrak through New York (en route to Boston) in April, which doesn't really count but at least I'll be there for a few minutes or something.  I've been thinking about, depending on money, trying to get us a few days there during spring break this year.  And when I teach US and Canada class, I'll still feel like a sham since I haven't visited New York City.... even though I teach World Geography without having seen a toenail's shred worth of the planet.  Most importantly, I didn't meet this goal, and I've fallen behind 1.5-2.5.

5. Have a substance-free year.  I came really close to pulling this one off.  In early December, I drank five beers one night, because I seriously needed a relaxer for a social situation, and it happened that this need coincided with not only a craving for quality brew, but a cost-free availability of such at the social venue.  The substance-free cherry was broken, a fact that I used to excuse myself just one week when I bummed a cigarette from Jen at Vanessa's party to calm my nerves after defending my proposal.  I'll call it a half-way goal... which puts me below my shithead alter-ego by a count of 2-3.

5a. Have a meat-free year. I actually did this.  Mostly.  When I became a vegetarian, I declared that, during our coming trip to San Francisco, that I reserved the right to eat one bowl of clam chowder from a street vendor, which I did.  Otherwise, my dining options haven't killed anything besides stupid vegetable shit.  Since that right was reserved from before this year happened, I declared this goal a success.  Back tied at 3-3.

6. Exercise at least once weekly. BAHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAH!  Yeah, this happened.  And monkeys might come flying out of my butt.  3-4.

7. Adopt no more pets of any kind, except maybe adding some fish to the aquarium. BAHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAH!  Yeah, this happened.  And monkeys might come flying out of my butt.  (No, that's not just a sloppy copy-and-paste job.  We adopted Kody, YET ANOTHER dog.  And we added more pets to our house at various times in the way of foster animals.  In fact, we still have one living here, though he's going to the prison program in a week or so).  3-5.  Yikes.

8. Be stupid debt free by 2008.  This also didn't really happen.  I paid off a credit card, which we've been cleverly using for such "emergencies" as buying pizza and Weird Al Yankovic concert tickets.  It's still wiped clean, though, so I guess we somehow got smarter with managing that resource.  I've still got some stupid debt to deal with, certainly.  And by the time I'm finished in school, we will owe the government more money than the remaining Beatles owe Buddy Holly's family.  It's 3-6, and it's getting ugly.

9. Come closer to figuring out my religious thing.  Yeah, definitely didn't happen.  I spent the first six months being totally fine with being a Quaker, then lost myself to wandering again.  If anything, I'm more lost this year than last year.

Final tally: 3-7.  Out of 10 things I wanted to do (and yes, there are ten since there's both a number five and 5a), I managed three of these things, and that's with a couple of generous score tallies (halfsies on a binary?  How lame am I?).

So, do New Years resolutions even matter?  Probably not.  I mean, paying attention to such ambiguously contrived goals certainly obscures whatever progress in various arenas I actually did make during the year.  For instance, beyond my schoolwork and those accomplishments, I discovered a lot of good music and met quite a few new people.  Don't these count?  I mean, these resolutions make 2007 look like a failed year, even though I know like it wasn't.  Right?

Meh.  I know, I know... "Stay on topic and list your fucking resolutions, you useless dick!"

Whatever.

Okay, my New Years resolutions for 2008 are as follows.  Some are easy, partially because I want a higher success rate.  Some are repeats of last year, whch are included again because I think they're important.  Either way, it's my list but you'll fucking deal.

1. Be a better husband to Amy.  She deserves so much more than I can ever offer her, and sometimes I wonder why she even tolerates me and my general human messyness, so I might as well try to make it as painless as possible for her, right?  My God, do I need to work on this.  More than anything ever.

2. Complete four new publications (including the two I'm working on right now), a working draft of my dissertation, and a beginning outline of my first non-dissertation book.  This is as doable as Smurfette after somewhere between five and six beers.  I've got two publications that are close.  I can cultivate a couple more out of my dissertation easily.  And I've got a solid book idea that I'm starting to get pretty excited about.  This won't be finished, but if I don't set my goals high, I won't get anything done.

3. Clean up my visual appearance.  I'll need to put my hippie days to an end for a bit if I want any hope of ever getting a job.  This is basically a repeat of last year, I know... but the deadline changed.  I know, though, that if I can do this, I'll be more likely to take care of myself in other ways.  That's just how I roll.

4. Force myself to be social on purpose in a purely social situation at least twice per month. I felt my social retardedness turning a corner in the past couple of months.  I need to carpe diem and try to drive this huge flaw in my character out of myself like snakes out of Ireland.  Talking to people at work doesn't count, but work people outside of work does.

5. Try really hard to learn each of my students' names.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I've got a class of 142 next semester.  I can't expect to do this when learning 34 this semester proved nearly impossible for me.  I'm so bad with names and faces that it's pathetic.  I hate it, but I can't do it.

5. Bring my "A-game" to teaching at each meeting. I may not learn their names, but I owe them this, at least.  I felt myself slip a bit this year, especially when I was near the end of fall semester and I was going insane with work.  I need to bring this back.  I don't want to lose respect for myself.

6. Take better care of my health.  One problem that's lingering with me right now is that I have no health insurance coverage.  Yes, Kent offers some coverage to grad students and a little help to cover the premiums, but I still can't really afford it, nor can I justify buying it for myself when I can't afford it for Amy.  But there are things that I can do to take better care of myself, such as practicing better and more regular hygeine, exercising, eating healthier, maintaining mental stimulation, adopting normal sleeping habits, trying to be outside when the sun's out and so on.  I need to maintain this body because it's the only one I've got, and that realization becomes more true as the years pass.  I've already got a workout schedule that Amy and I are planning to follow at the recreation center on campus.  I'm excited.

6a. Pursue happy-pills.  I am not a fan of medicating.  I think greedy doctors and pill-pushers shove medicines we don't need.  But sometimes, I worry myself, and the darkest lows can be low enough that I fear I'll never climb out.  Wal-Mart and Giant Eagle both offer an array of happy pills in their respective $4 prescription plans.  We just have to come up with a subscription that is not only useful to my problems, but on their list and preferably from a doctor's cheap advice.

7. Be Meat-free in 2008.  No problems there, right?

8. Pursue the doctrine of micro-philantrophy as much as possible.  Yes, I know that this is remarkably similar to the "random acts of kindness" idea, but really, what's wrong with that?  Constant attempts to make the world a better place may just eventually do that.  Can't hurt, right?

8a. Continue to mold my research and academic decisions into working for social justice, equality, and such.  I think it's important (and has been mentally healthy) that my research has been far more inline with my social conscience lately.

9. Adopt no more pets of any kind. Yes, it's a repeat.  Yes, it's important enough to repeat.

10. Spend less time online.  I don't know how many hours I waste online.  It's usually not to do anything remotely productive.  If my mind is a little off, I'll just visit the same seven or eight websites repeatedly for hours on end. At the same time, while I'm cycling through these websites, checking email and whatnot, I somehow end up leaving personal emails unanswered for weeks at a time.  I don't know why.

11. Try cuisine from at least two new ethnic traditions.  I fell in love with Indian food quite accidentally this year.  It's time for another fling, at least.

12. Be exceptionally limited in consumption of chemicals.  Yes, 2007 was nearly chemical-free.  And you know what?  Being completely off everything was satisfying, but so was (after a while) trusting myself enough for some one-night stands in that department.  I'm going to say that I prefer a chemical-free year, but I'm going to give myself latitude for a couple of "slips," as long as I put some space between those slips.

13. Don't Impregnate ANYONE.  Oh-God-Please-No.  Not anyone, even if the only possible thought of "anyone" is Amy.  Is this too easy of a resolution for this list?  Perhaps.  But exceptionally important.  I don't want to have any living human deal with the torture of having me as a parent, let alone as a sire as well.

14. Figure out religion.  I know it's a tired refrain, but I feel like an entire aspect of my character is going fully unrealized.  Is that a selfish way to frame things?  Maybe, but it's what I've got right this second in time.

I think that's enough, don't you?  Now, throw this list into the time capsule, and we'll see how stupid I look in a year.... as if I'll need history's help.

Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ at 11:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)