Today, most of my day was consumed with writing a "think piece" about rape for my gender sociology class.  Rape is not a happy subject, as I've known quite a few girls who have been raped in one form or another.  Okay, in fact, every girl I formally dated long enough to get on to subjects like rape had been raped, up until Amy.  (That's eight of them that I remember off the top of my head).  It's fucked up on multiple planes of consciousness.... fucked up that something seemingly marginal in society would be so coincidentally occuring with girls I dated.... fucked up that so many girls could have something so horrible happen to them.... and especially fucked up if you take my not-so-random sample as a representation of the general population. 

What the hell is wrong with our world?

Anyway, as depressing and disgusting as that subject is to me, I put off this paper far too long.  Finally, last night, I began "working" on it, but I began so late that nothing got even started.  Today, I went into work early, sat down and decided that I would finish this paper today and I would turn it in on-time by the 5:00 deadline.  And, despite being rudely interrupted by classes to take and teach, I pulled it off, and I pulled it off nicely.  Despite the crappyness of the assignment (your typical synthesis of various readings and course materials) I pumped out something that I thought was a damn good paper.

In fact, it's the first time in several months that something I turned in that wasn't embarrassing for me to put my name on it.  It's a good feeling, but it's a feeling that's wasted on a generally worthless sociology paper.

Too bad.

I think it may be the confidence booster I need to work on my dissertation.  I've been grinding on that work, working on it even when I really don't want to.  I've had a nine-month case of writer's block for that project.

Now, before we leave for San Francisco, I just need to write an exam to leave for my students at Stark, write a mini-lecture on Darfur, burn two DVDs to leave with students to show one day while I'm gone, write a research project and presentation to present at the conference, pack and prepare the house for 10 days without us.... right now, it's overwhelming.

And shit if we're not leaving for Cleveland in 72 hours or so!

Some relatively good or otherwise comforting news: I came to the realization today that, yes, I think my need for formal education is about finished.  I have never even approached such a concept in my mind before.  I have never before felt that additional coursework or what-have-you wouldn't benefit me as a person and a scholar.  Yet, what I'm realizing this semester, especially in my sociology classes, is that with nothing more than a guiding textbook with an external reading list, I feel like I could explore these subjects more efficiently than the guidance offered by my professors.

This is not so say that I am without need of a mentor -- in fact, it's just the opposite.  I need a mentor worse than J.D. on "Scrubs," and I haven't found myself one to really really bond with yet.  I'm too much of a social lunatic to enable that development.

But I'm getting off topic.

Most importantly of all, I feel as though my need for formal, in-the-classroom education is ending.  And that's a good thing, because I've been worried that I'll graduate with a PhD and still want to go to school. I'm glad that my mindset is changing after only 20+ years of education.

Maybe I'll finally make that "leap" that I've been so excitedly anticipating.