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If you ever want to feel sick to your stomach, try actually using your multiple levels of insurance for the advertised purpose. We've spent more than two weeks now trying to get Amy's stolen laptop claimed to renter's insurance as our personal property. At one point, we were told that we would get the original purchase price (nearly $3,000) minus a $500 deductable. Then, it turned into an assessed value calculated by a depreciation from the purchase price of 3-5% per year minus the deductable (or somewhere between $1600 and $1800 all-said-and-done).
Today, we were informed that we have two options: we can either give State Farm our $500 deductable in cash (as if we had that...) and allow them to purchase an absolute bottom-of-the-line Dell for us that we have no choice over and that doesn't have the accidental warranty hers had, or we can accept a generous check for $46.
Yes, that's $46... not a typo. Apparently, by their actuary tables, the laptop has depreciated to the point that it's only worth $546, which is nearly fully swallowed by our deductable.
So, after giving us hope that insurance would actually do what it was supposed to do and make us whole again, it turns out everything we were told was a lie, and Amy will basically be unable to have a laptop. Despite trying to call with them and reason, and use plain logic, common sense and even human compassion, Amy got nowhere.
Of course, this still would have been shitty had we known from day one, but stringing us along promising us the world, and then calling us liars for pointing out their continued reneging just made it bitter. And sickening to the stomach.
The lessons?
1. Insurance companies are concerned about only profit, and only use logic (such as shady actuary science) when it suits the bottom line, not when it actually serves the customers (like adequately a loss). They will resort to anything to give the appearance of caring, wearing such sheepskins as a complete ignorance of truth, but they really are nothing more than angry, overly hormonal gorillas ready to metaphorically rape you in the ass with their metaphorically giant (and totally unlubricated) cocks.
2. Over the past 10 years of my insurance needs I've spent approximately $16,500 at State Farm for insurance. This small claim is my first on any of my policies, ever. I personally waste $136.20 each month on our various State Farm policies, which is 295% of the settlement offered. All of this is obviously lost on their company, otherwise they'd know that an offer of a $46 check for laptop replacement is insulting.
3. This really puts my mind at ease about insurance. I mean, think about it: if this holds true, should I ever total one of our cars, State Farm will gladly replace my left (but absolutely not my right) windshield wiper blade. And should, heaven forbid, our house burn down and destroy the contents, State Farm will be there with a check, which should cover enough for us to buy a used toaster from Goodwill. And should I ever die, State Farm will be there with enough money to give Amy a big garbage bag and a rented shovel so that she can bury me in the backyard.
4. All insurance agents and everyone who works in insurance are therefore absolute scum and should die slow painful deaths.
4a. When step four actually happens, their widows should get a reduced life insurance settlement due to depreciation (really, aren't insurance salesmen just a level up from lawyers anyway?) of character, leaving them with a check for 61 cents. Hey, they married the scum, so it'd only be fair.
Yes, that's $46... not a typo. Apparently, by their actuary tables, the laptop has depreciated to the point that it's only worth $546, which is nearly fully swallowed by our deductable.
So, after giving us hope that insurance would actually do what it was supposed to do and make us whole again, it turns out everything we were told was a lie, and Amy will basically be unable to have a laptop. Despite trying to call with them and reason, and use plain logic, common sense and even human compassion, Amy got nowhere.
Of course, this still would have been shitty had we known from day one, but stringing us along promising us the world, and then calling us liars for pointing out their continued reneging just made it bitter. And sickening to the stomach.
The lessons?
1. Insurance companies are concerned about only profit, and only use logic (such as shady actuary science) when it suits the bottom line, not when it actually serves the customers (like adequately a loss). They will resort to anything to give the appearance of caring, wearing such sheepskins as a complete ignorance of truth, but they really are nothing more than angry, overly hormonal gorillas ready to metaphorically rape you in the ass with their metaphorically giant (and totally unlubricated) cocks.
2. Over the past 10 years of my insurance needs I've spent approximately $16,500 at State Farm for insurance. This small claim is my first on any of my policies, ever. I personally waste $136.20 each month on our various State Farm policies, which is 295% of the settlement offered. All of this is obviously lost on their company, otherwise they'd know that an offer of a $46 check for laptop replacement is insulting.
3. This really puts my mind at ease about insurance. I mean, think about it: if this holds true, should I ever total one of our cars, State Farm will gladly replace my left (but absolutely not my right) windshield wiper blade. And should, heaven forbid, our house burn down and destroy the contents, State Farm will be there with a check, which should cover enough for us to buy a used toaster from Goodwill. And should I ever die, State Farm will be there with enough money to give Amy a big garbage bag and a rented shovel so that she can bury me in the backyard.
4. All insurance agents and everyone who works in insurance are therefore absolute scum and should die slow painful deaths.
4a. When step four actually happens, their widows should get a reduced life insurance settlement due to depreciation (really, aren't insurance salesmen just a level up from lawyers anyway?) of character, leaving them with a check for 61 cents. Hey, they married the scum, so it'd only be fair.
Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ on December 14, 2006 01:39 AM | Permalink
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