Sure, I remember where I was. I've been told I have to, or I'll risk social discipline, excommunication, deportation, execution, torture, or worse.

But I ask you this: has anything seemed as contrived as this "Fifth Anniversary of 9/11" thing is? Endless news stories about absolutely nothing (but have some sort of 9/11 content) have been EVERYWHERE for the last several days. The circle/roundabout thing at Tallmadge is covered with American flags, and most places have them at half-mast.

Last night, they interviewed a couple on television about their twin five year-old boys, who had been born on 9/11/01. They asked them how they felt about their children, if their births were bittersweet and whatnot. Really, what the fuck? And the parents didn't really flinch at the question.

I'm quite sure I would have said something like: "Are you fucking serious? 9/11/01 was the best day of my life because my fucking children were born!!! Honestly, 3,000 people dying about 1,000 miles away was the last thing on my mind as my offspring, my own flesh and blood, left my wife's birth canal!"

But the machine continues to produce. Don't worry, I'll explain.

Let's review: yes, 3,000 people died on that day because someone felt like killing them. Yes, it's terrible and I really do feel for the families. Those people didn't deserve to die like that. It was despicable, and it was sickening.

But think of this: 400,000 people died just twenty months ago in southeast Asia. I remember right where I was when I found out about that... I was picking up my wife from Uncle Monte's Soul Food Restaurant after her shift. And yes, the tsunami was in the news for a while, right? But we didn't make the day a national holiday. Apparently a sum of 133.33 slightly browner-skinned people are worth less than one American. And besides, Mother Nature doesn't really present a clear-cut and supposedly defeatable enemy.

Okay, how about the Oklahoma City Bombing. That was an attack on an actual Federal building, where many federal employees died and, most sickening of all, a large portion of the 159 victims were children. I remember where I was when I found out about that, too. I was in Mrs. Weber's eighth grade home economics class, and I was getting ready to cook a quiche that I would never eat (egg allergy). They found Tim McVeigh, and they killed him, but no national holiday, no national remembrance services, no nothing. I don't think people even care remember this one after McVeigh was executed.

How about Hurricane Katrina? 2,400 people are dead, nearly as many as the 9/11 attacks. I remember right where I was when this began to happen, sitting in my living room at 6:00 am on the first Monday of my PhD program. You could blame it on Mother Nature again, but more than likely they just want to change the subject. They don't want a Hurricane Katrina national holiday for the same reason they do want a 9/11 day: it reminds people of who to blame. In the case of Katrina, it was the government's fault all the way down. No one wants to remember that, right?

So why does 9/11 keep coming back? Is it really the day that changed everything? Well, yes and no. Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, 3,000 people isn't that big of a fucking deal. It's not even a blip on the radar of daily death statistics. For the families of those 3,000, yes 9/11 is a day that changed everything. But I imagine that if it was, oh I don't know, a tsunami, a hurricane or a domestic terrorist, it would be assumed that they would have gotten on with their lives already after five years.

Why, then, do people care? Was it a significant attack on the United States? Well, 3,000 people is about 1/100,000th of the population, or 0.0001% of the population. But wait, over 1,000 of those were from out of the country, so the percentage drops to 0.00005% Assuming an average social network of 1,000 people, it's certainly not a big enough portion that everyone in the country knows someone who died. Really, it's not even enough of a portion that all American people are connected two steps further removed.

Why do people care? Because we've been told to. The aftermath of 9/11 is a demonstration of the efficiency of the government system to remain in power, unquestioned. We were told by politicians and newscasters and everyone else that this was an event to remember, and to hold dear. We were told that these same victims who were blameless in every way for the cause of the attacks, we heroes for going to work that day. And we were told these things in nice, easy-to-digest and slickly-produced soundbites that made it impossible to question. In fact, the messages in these media told us that we were "unpatriotic" to question anything about the government.

And because we've been so trained in our culture to only trust what is put together into slick little packages, we bought into it hook, line and sinker. We're consumers in every sense of the word. Instead of going on a real adventure for vacation, we've been trained that Disney World holds everything we need for recreation. Instead of cooking dinner, we've been trained that McDonald's can do it faster and cheaper and more conveniently. Instead of actually looking for alternative viewpoints, we've been trained that the news media produces little edible bites that go down really easily and can be found abundantly, so why look elsewhere? The process is the same in all three, and the goal is the same -- more money by providing Americans with opportunity to enjoy something they love: their laziness.

As citizens, by taking the easy way out and buying into the 9/11 magnification what has happened? We let the government pass all kinds of laws, allowing them to check up on our library records, strip us and rape us at the airport, listen to any phone conversation we make, and track our purchases. We allowed the government to take the country into one questionable war and one unjustified war, neither of which has ended. The brainwash is everywhere, and our MTV-short attention spans have been used against us. We don't care to read or discuss the politics of the day, and we certainly don't care to question. Tell us what we need to know in 30 seconds or less, or we'll change the channel and miss the advertisements.

If we don't care, we're unpatriotic. If we don't care, we're not Americans. If we don't care, we're terrorist-sympathizers. If we don't care, we can just pack up and leave. If we don't care about 9/11, we hate freedom. This is nothing more than discourse laced with threats that can be very real thanks to the approval we've given the government post-9/11 to do as it wishes.

This ability to garner such support has been perfected over a number of years. The ability to question authority has been all but eliminated.

Let's face it. September 11, 2001 was an extremely insignificant day in history. Every day since that time, it's been built into something bigger and more important. Now, with the Republicans in trouble of losing the House and Senate, it's bigger this year than ever before. They want to make sure the people remember that day. "Terrorists did that, and terrorists are scary. If you don't vote for us, they'll come back and attack again, and you wouldn't want that, would you?" Oh, Bush will put flowers on "Ground Zero" today, which will pull some (manufactured) heart strings.

Votes, votes, votes... one pedal at a time. So goes the logic. Perhaps the reality will be different.

Why do you think that gas prices are suddenly down lately, almost as low as they were when people were getting gouged by venders after the attacks on 9/11/01. Votes, votes, votes... one gallon at a time. Doesn't anyone want to ask how, after only five years, gas prices that got people fined after the attacks would be a great deal today?

And the media helps every step of the way. This day, so insignificant when it happened, has been built into a monster... a large, political power-conserving, money-making monster. By putting these events and these reactions into little chunks and serving them to the masses, the media has generated real true feelings in people about the event. These feelings for the 3,000 that died in 9/11 don't exist for the 400,000 from the tsunami nor the 2,500 from Katrina, simply because those events didn't make the media money. Those victims didn't guarantee daily news updates regarding non-events ("the terror level has been raised...") from the administration. The government without the media is like a pirate without a boat: he's just a sad cripple with delusions of grandeur.

September 11 is the best thing that ever happened for George W. Bush. His administration was failing and he was getting really messy in the Enron downfall when it happened. Instant attack, instant 93% approval rating. Why? Because he acted presidential enough on camera that people ate it up. They had to. He told them to. With that success, the past five years has been a continuous beating of the dead 9/11 horse. They try to get as much from that event as they can.

Just shoot the fucking thing! It's been basically dead now for four years and six months. Think 'pon this: if it's terrible that people were killed to benefit a political cause, isn't it just as terrible to use the corpses of those killed people to benefit another political cause? It's being shoved down our throats, and I'm about to choke.

They have to force this upon us. It's the only way they can stay in power. If they don't keep an army of voting drones at the ready, they'll get kicked out. But yet again, so far, this is a demonstration of their mastery. Despite the existence of a republican system based in democratic elevtion, they've managed to convince us that they're doing a great job, regardless of the reality. This machine has been well oiled, and it's running great so far.

Say nothing for the help that 9/11 has been for business! First, it gave corporations and excuse to seek what essentially amounted to charity, begging American consumers to buy American to keep the economy rolling after the attacks. Then again, without these attacks, Iraq would have never been possible, and so many businesses with government ties could not have reaped the benefits. And the 9/11 anniversary is important to remind us why we're in Iraq, even though there's no connection.

Those poor twins on TV. Are they ever going to have peace and separation about the time they emerged from their mother's vagina? They'll always know where they were, right?

The convenient part of the whole ordeal was that today, as we titled and plated the Volvo and dealt with all of that paperwork, we never had to ask what day it was. Shouldn't we be allowed to ignore the fact, or forget it like every other day? I mean, shit, I forget about Flag Day, Arbor Day, Memorial Day, even my own birthday. Why should I care?

During our paperwork errands for the Volvo, while talking about the twins story, I gave Amy a mock interview:

Me - "So, you titled your car on the fifth anniversary of September 11. Is that going to change your relationship with the car? Does that make this a bittersweet day?"

Amy - (pause) "No."

Me - "You also plated your car on the fifth anniversary of the terrorist attacks. When you see those numbers on your plate, will you always think about those who were sacrificed on that grave day?"

Amy - (pause) "No."

Me - "This is the first car you've ever owned outright, and you titled and plated it on 9/11. The next time you shop for a car, will you remember the victims? And will you try to plate that car on 9/11?"

Amy - (pause) "No."

This would have passed for a serious news story this past week on the local Cleveland channels. No joke.

Yes, I remember where I was on 9/11/01. Oddly, one of my grandmothers died that day, so, like the parents of the twins, I was also a little preoccupied. But you know what I remember a lot better, with a lot more clarity? Other events which are much more important but will never get that kind of airplay. For example, the first time I kissed my wife, I remember the exact outfit I was wearing (down to jewelry and underwear), what time it was, where it was, and what she tasted like. I remember all that and more about the time we first made love. And even the less significant come to mind better than 9/11. I remember the first date and time I ever rode on a roller coaster. I remember the first time that I ever went to a Reds game, and I remember the starting lineup for the Reds.

Why are these other events important? Because I said they are, and that is what's really important, not what someone spoonfeeds me through a television. They aren't forced upon me to advance an agenda or to sell. They're my life. They're real. And they have real emotion attached to them, not emotion created through excessive uses of rhetoric and symbology to convince me that they are important.

Maybe the slick packaging and the short attention spans have enabled the government to make September 11 "real" with "real" emotions for people who otherwise, as proved by apathy towards Katrina and the tsunami, wouldn't give a shit.

As for me, it didn't work.

Shut up, and fuck off.

(steps off of soapbox)