We've got a long history together, right? I mean, I started using your e-mail set up in high school, too, all the way back in 1997, and I've used the killsuburbia address every day since 1999. I've been using your Geocities web hosting since 1997 too, before you even bought them out. Because of your dating ads, I managed to even get a few dates in college. We looked out for each other!

Now, I admit, right around 2001 or so, there was a new kid on the block that I paid some attention to. See, Google did better with the whole search thing and I had to use it because it was better for business. But even with Google's superiority in that sense, I still stayed with you for my main internet portal needs. Google can search, but what else could it do back then? From you, I got my e-mail, my webpage, my news, my movie reviews, my maps, my sports information and my TV listings.

I'm a very loyal and habitual guy. I start my day off with the web the way most guys do with the newspaper. I open my browser and you're the page that comes up, with the newest headlines in the world, sports, movies, TV and other things. You even automatically check my email. You're like the daily digest that gets my wheels on the pavement for checking out other sources. First Yahoo! for generica, Yahoo! mail if needed, then the Star Press and Beacon Journal for local news, BBC for world news, ESPN for sports, then I check my other e-mail accounts and other things. Yahoo! comes first.

But then, this year, you got all uppity. Yep, one day when I signed in, you offered me a special opportunity to see the new Yahoo! page and to take a survey on it, being a long-standing customer and everything. I did what you asked and gave you my advice. I told you that the new page was absolute shit. I did, because it was. Now, don't get me wrong -- I know that we can't all stay in the past. But the change was a bad one. You went from your traditional Yahoo! style that has been pretty much the same since 1997 to a generic portal template that looks like it came free with your CMS system. And you lost your hallmark simplicity that made you famous.

Boxy section content buttons on the left? Please. Three dimensional white tabs? Wow, that's creative. You added a bunch of generally unnecessary aesthetics that actually detract from the simplicity that made Yahoo! so appealing. Now, the Yahoo! portal looks just like any other, like MSN or AOL. Instead of simple text headlines, you've gone all USA Today with pictures and tabs. Was the old page really suffering that badly? And how does this page make any improvements whatsoever?

Because of this monstrosity, I always took the option of the old page back. And every few weeks, you'd offer my username another chance to check it out and give feedback. I continued to be honest but brutal. Nothing changed.

Then, you decided to rub it in. Starting through July, any time I visited your page when I was signed in, you put an annoying pop-up reminding me to try the new page. If I came to the page anonymously, you forced me to go to the new page, then kept hiding the link to the old page in new places. Why the games?

The last straw came this week. The pop-up over the old page, which I had grown used to, changed. It told me that the old Yahoo! page was to be retired as of September 1. Now that's just an insult, a disrespect. For months, you try to force this page on me, and I respectfully decline. You ask my advice, and I give it to deaf ears.

Then, you decide to make the change permanent on my fucking birthday?

Isn't there a general social rule against these things? You don't break up with someone, cheat on someone, or fight or kill someone on their birthday. What the fuck?

I admit, my eyes had been wandering. I had looked pretty seriously at switching to Gmail. I had looked pretty seriously at migrating my website to a better server. But all I did was look, and I never went through with it!

Unfortunately, Yahoo!, you've left me no choice but to kick your page out of my morning line-up. We're through. No more news. No more weather. No more sports. No more movie reviews. As for the mail and the hosting, we'll have to feel those out in time. Just take this as a warning that you're on notice, and that any foul-up will bring forth the final end even sooner.

See, it's just too bad we didn't work out after, what, like nine years? I guess any relationship is doomed to fail when one person stops listening, no matter how attached they are.

Thanks for the memories, and I hope we can both move on.
Andrew Shears, "killsuburbia"

(a.k.a.: "everyones_redheaded_stepchild", "stripmahler", "andrewshears" over the years)