"He's a normal guy just like you and me, but he's... super!"

Name a superhero. Any superhero besides Superman... and I guarantee you that the superhero you named is cooler than Superman is. Maybe not as capable, maybe not as good-looking, but certainly cooler. Superman is like the jock of the superhero world: not terribly smart, likes to do impressive feats of strength, likes really stupid women (Lois Lane has to rank with Olive Oyl as the two worst female protagonists ever). He's completely devoid of an interesting backstory, and he's really just a fraternity pledge pin, a case of beer, fake-old jeans and a backwards ballcap from being one of those dumb students that never show up to my class and wonder why they fail.

Even faux superheros are cooler than Superman. Captain Planet is cooler. Underdog is cooler. Darkwing Duck is cooler. DangerMouse is cooler. Quailman is cooler (yes, I did just mention Doug Funnie's alter ego). The Dinosaucers are cooler. Super Grover is cooler. Even Mighty Mouse, Superman's only competition on the scale of lameness, is cooler than Superman could ever be.

Brief Sidebar: Ahh, Super Grover. The single greatest cause of baby-sitter resignations in the greater Muncie area back in the early 1980s. That's a stat I'm still proud of to this day. Those pirated VHS tapes had to have disintegrated from so much use.

What brought all of this on? Superman, the worst superhero ever, is getting yet another movie. Not only has Hollywood run out of ideas in general (Cheaper by the Dozen 2? The Dukes of Hazzard? A Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake?) but they've run out of comic book superheroes to make movies about, so they have to go back to the beginning (seriously, how did Blade get three movies?)

Hollywood should be the next Bikini Atoll. All of those overtan people can finally make the next step to extra-crispy. Good riddance.