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I'm willing to try anything to relax my mind. Here's a really terrible survey I received via bulletin. My crappy wanna-be-funny comments are in brackets.
60+ and ur bad
1) smoked [who me?]
2) consumed alcohol [nah, never]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex [hrm...]
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex [Well, does Tim count?]
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex [Maybe?]
6) made out with someone of the same sex [Tim and I both made out like bandits from Christmas presents most years....]
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [No, never! Not even right this second... there's no woman in here, I swear!]
8) watched porn [Um....]
9) bought porn [UMMM....]
10) done drugs
total: 9
11) taken pain killers [beer dulls my pain]
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house [Why sneak?]
16) done something illegal [Not since yesterday]
17) cut yourself [Intentionally?]
18) hurt someone [Who hasn't?]
19) wished someone to die [divorce does this]
20) seen someone die
total: 9
21) missed curfew [ooooh...]
22) stayed out all night [oh no! Not that!]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself [When I lived alone, it was inevitable]
24) been to a therapist [I made him quit the profession because he was mediocre]
25) been to rehab [I rehabbed my ankle in 1999 and it still hurts]
26) dyed your hair [More colors that you can name]
27) received a ticket [I got one free tonight for the Aeros game]
28) been in a wreck [Bad, meaning a bad driver?]
29) been to a club [Bad decision, maybe.]
30) been to a bar [This makes me bad?]
total: 10
31) been to a wild party [Does Scrabble fit the bill?]
32) had spring break in Florida [With mis padres?]
34) sniffed anything [Armpits?]
35) seen the Mardi Gras [Muncie, with tired old deflated boobies to boot]
36) wore black nail polish [I'll try anything once]
37) wore arm bands [I don't understand]
38) wore t-shirts with band names [I'm sure my mom would laugh when I mention that her Peter Paul and Mary shirt makes her a rebel]
39) listened to rap [A bit racist, aren't we?]
40) own a 50 cent CD [I don't know that this necessarily implies anything bad beyond tastes]
total: 9
41) dressed Gothic [I knew I'd pay for my collar/leash combo someday]
42) dressed prep [Wouldn't this, by this clique shit, be the antithesis of "bad"?]
43) dressed punk [Punk rock is in if college freshmen girls are any indication]
44) dressed grunge [Flannel I guess? What if I worked in lumber?]
45) stole something [Only your time and intelligence by posting this]
46) been too drunk to remember anything [You can remember plenty while you're drunk, just not anything later]
47) blacked out [That's the same as 46]
48) fainted [or... passed out?]
49) had a crush on your neighbor [Love thy neighbor as thyself... scriptures are bad?]
50) had someone sneak into your room [Doesn't this make them bad? Breaking and Entering is a felony, no?]
total: 10
51) snuck into someone else's room [I don't B&E after spending five in Attica]
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex [Homophobe.]
53) been to a concert [Oooh... that string quartet will make me worship Satan!]
54) dry humped someone [Sounds painful.]
55) been called a slut [By your mother]
56) called someone a slut [Your mother]
57) installed speakers in your car [Okay, now this is just sad...]
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house [Isn't my mom a part-owner of my old house?]
60) brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush [Intentionally or otherwise? Remember, I'm colorblind and sometimes can't tell]
total: 9
61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper [Again, bad taste, not bad person]
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [I'm going to burn in hell]
63) cruised the mall [Bad taste]
64) skipped school [I hold records]
65) had an eating disorder [Only for too much food... and I don't puke it out]
66) had an injury [Again, why does this make someone bad?]
67) gone to court [Judge Judy, may I speak?]
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying [Cracker Barrell... it's like shooting fish in a barrell.]
69) caught something on fire [Only my smoking-hot personality]
70) lied about your age [Don't lie about your age -- Defy it!]
total: 10
71) owned an apartment [This isn't New York City, jackass]
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend [both, at the same time]
73) cheated with someone [Wouldn't you have to have someone to cheat on, making this the same question as number 72?]
74) got in trouble with the police [I was framed]
75) talked to a stranger [What, am I 9 years old now?]
76) hugged a stranger [Define stranger]
77) kissed a stranger [and again]
78) rode in the car with a stranger [and again]
79) been sexually harassed [Who can resist?]
80) been verbally harassed [I was the fat kid in school...]
total: 10
81) met face to face with someone you met online [um, how else do you propose I meet people?]
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [college was a blast, indeed]
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight [only with one person: amy kay]
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight [I was the fat kid, so I didn't have friends]
85) been to a fair [This makes me bad? What, are county fairs now satanic festivals?]
86) been called a bad influence [Actually? No, I haven't. Really.]
87) cursed [Hrm...]
88) prank called someone [College was a blast, indeed]
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [Never!]
90) cheated on a test
total: 9
91) cheated on homework [Not since the seventh grade]
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex [Not that! Cooties?]
93) been pushed into a pool [of what? Like, sports pools?]
94) played pool [Kids these days are so terrible]
95) watched 5 hours of MTV straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [duh]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [No, never... certainly not my wife, who's 14 months younger than I am...]
98) wear eyeliner [This is sexist.]
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt [Okay, this deserves to be on the list]
total: 8
Grand Total: 93
I guess that means that I am bad. Grrrrrreat.
1) smoked [who me?]
2) consumed alcohol [nah, never]
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex [hrm...]
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex [Well, does Tim count?]
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex [Maybe?]
6) made out with someone of the same sex [Tim and I both made out like bandits from Christmas presents most years....]
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex [No, never! Not even right this second... there's no woman in here, I swear!]
8) watched porn [Um....]
9) bought porn [UMMM....]
10) done drugs
total: 9
11) taken pain killers [beer dulls my pain]
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house [Why sneak?]
16) done something illegal [Not since yesterday]
17) cut yourself [Intentionally?]
18) hurt someone [Who hasn't?]
19) wished someone to die [divorce does this]
20) seen someone die
total: 9
21) missed curfew [ooooh...]
22) stayed out all night [oh no! Not that!]
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself [When I lived alone, it was inevitable]
24) been to a therapist [I made him quit the profession because he was mediocre]
25) been to rehab [I rehabbed my ankle in 1999 and it still hurts]
26) dyed your hair [More colors that you can name]
27) received a ticket [I got one free tonight for the Aeros game]
28) been in a wreck [Bad, meaning a bad driver?]
29) been to a club [Bad decision, maybe.]
30) been to a bar [This makes me bad?]
total: 10
31) been to a wild party [Does Scrabble fit the bill?]
32) had spring break in Florida [With mis padres?]
34) sniffed anything [Armpits?]
35) seen the Mardi Gras [Muncie, with tired old deflated boobies to boot]
36) wore black nail polish [I'll try anything once]
37) wore arm bands [I don't understand]
38) wore t-shirts with band names [I'm sure my mom would laugh when I mention that her Peter Paul and Mary shirt makes her a rebel]
39) listened to rap [A bit racist, aren't we?]
40) own a 50 cent CD [I don't know that this necessarily implies anything bad beyond tastes]
total: 9
41) dressed Gothic [I knew I'd pay for my collar/leash combo someday]
42) dressed prep [Wouldn't this, by this clique shit, be the antithesis of "bad"?]
43) dressed punk [Punk rock is in if college freshmen girls are any indication]
44) dressed grunge [Flannel I guess? What if I worked in lumber?]
45) stole something [Only your time and intelligence by posting this]
46) been too drunk to remember anything [You can remember plenty while you're drunk, just not anything later]
47) blacked out [That's the same as 46]
48) fainted [or... passed out?]
49) had a crush on your neighbor [Love thy neighbor as thyself... scriptures are bad?]
50) had someone sneak into your room [Doesn't this make them bad? Breaking and Entering is a felony, no?]
total: 10
51) snuck into someone else's room [I don't B&E after spending five in Attica]
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex [Homophobe.]
53) been to a concert [Oooh... that string quartet will make me worship Satan!]
54) dry humped someone [Sounds painful.]
55) been called a slut [By your mother]
56) called someone a slut [Your mother]
57) installed speakers in your car [Okay, now this is just sad...]
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house [Isn't my mom a part-owner of my old house?]
60) brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush [Intentionally or otherwise? Remember, I'm colorblind and sometimes can't tell]
total: 9
61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper [Again, bad taste, not bad person]
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters [I'm going to burn in hell]
63) cruised the mall [Bad taste]
64) skipped school [I hold records]
65) had an eating disorder [Only for too much food... and I don't puke it out]
66) had an injury [Again, why does this make someone bad?]
67) gone to court [Judge Judy, may I speak?]
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying [Cracker Barrell... it's like shooting fish in a barrell.]
69) caught something on fire [Only my smoking-hot personality]
70) lied about your age [Don't lie about your age -- Defy it!]
total: 10
71) owned an apartment [This isn't New York City, jackass]
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend [both, at the same time]
73) cheated with someone [Wouldn't you have to have someone to cheat on, making this the same question as number 72?]
74) got in trouble with the police [I was framed]
75) talked to a stranger [What, am I 9 years old now?]
76) hugged a stranger [Define stranger]
77) kissed a stranger [and again]
78) rode in the car with a stranger [and again]
79) been sexually harassed [Who can resist?]
80) been verbally harassed [I was the fat kid in school...]
total: 10
81) met face to face with someone you met online [um, how else do you propose I meet people?]
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight [college was a blast, indeed]
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight [only with one person: amy kay]
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight [I was the fat kid, so I didn't have friends]
85) been to a fair [This makes me bad? What, are county fairs now satanic festivals?]
86) been called a bad influence [Actually? No, I haven't. Really.]
87) cursed [Hrm...]
88) prank called someone [College was a blast, indeed]
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex [Never!]
90) cheated on a test
total: 9
91) cheated on homework [Not since the seventh grade]
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex [Not that! Cooties?]
93) been pushed into a pool [of what? Like, sports pools?]
94) played pool [Kids these days are so terrible]
95) watched 5 hours of MTV straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you [duh]
97) had a crush on someone younger than you [No, never... certainly not my wife, who's 14 months younger than I am...]
98) wear eyeliner [This is sexist.]
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt [Okay, this deserves to be on the list]
total: 8
Grand Total: 93
I guess that means that I am bad. Grrrrrreat.
Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ on April 20, 2006 01:36 AM | Permalink
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