"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go." -- Green Day.

"If you hit a tuning fork twice as hard it will ring twice as loud but still at the same frequency. That's a linear response. If you hit a person twice as hard they're unlikely just to shout twice as loud. That property lets you learn more about the person than the tuning fork." -- Neil Gershenfeld.

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra.

"Fork (n.): an instrument used chiefly for putting dead animals into the mouth." -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.

"Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and a fork?" -- Stanislaw Lee.

"I'm sorry, sir.  We don't have sporks... all we have is regular forks." -- 'Tod' at Taco Bell in Cuyahoga Falls.

What can I say?  I'm at one of those points (again) where I look back and think about things.  Sometimes I wonder if you could set a calendar by my cycles.  It's times like this that I realize that there are a number of instances which, had I made a different decision on a seemingly trivial thing, my life would be a world different than it is today. 

I wonder if a so-called perfect psychological storm is brewing in my head right now, where the stress of work, distance from home, my normal manic-depressive cycles and my normal seasonal depression are all lining up to really rape me in the ass.  Luckily the holidays are coming up soon, I guess.  Nothing like hanging out with family and gorging yourself to bring back a good mood.... until it's over and the bottom drops out faster than your bloodsugar.

I've thought more about starting smoking this past month than any time since the month after I quit a year and a half ago.  How stupid is that?  It must be showing somehow, because Amy asked me the strangest question last night.... was I really happy that I had quit smoking.  I hadn't mentioned it to her at all, but sometimes I feel like she can read my mind.  I wonder if I tell her these things in my sleep... ?

I can't judge whether or not things would be better had I taken those forks.  That's not fair to me or to anyone else involved, though I must ad that I am extraordinarily happy with where I am right now.  I try as well as possible to live life without regrets, but that's really impossible.  No one can truly live without regrets.

In some small ways, I regret going to more school.  Working on my PhD at Kent has really been one of the greatest experiences of my life, but I have regret about it.  So many people I know (or knew) have finished school and gotten on with their lives.  I'm extraordinarily jealous of them on some levels, even though I know that I'm taking advantage of a major opportunity that I couldn't pass up.  I really am enjoying every second of school (well, maybe not stats class), and I feel more enriched than during any time in my history.  Doesn't matter... I'm still jealous of people in the real world.

I think this fact is contributing to some sort of minor personality crisis I'm having.  I've been thinking a lot lately about what it will be like when I'm done with school, and about having children (or more likely, adopting children) and yet I bought us a Playstation the other day which seems as far from being a 'grown up' as possible.  We've eaten out more lately, which is certainly less responsible than we had been.  I wonder if my desire to smoke is part of this as well.

I feel like I am at a minor proverbial fork in the road.  I have to keep a close eye on myself or I fear that in my confusion I will regress to things I honestly want no part of.  Smoking, overeating, and being so depressed that I can barely move are certainly not attractive things.