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The exercise is: What would you do with unlimited money, limited to ten project/purchase categories, not saving the world, and in detail. See my bulletin board post for more info.
1. I would buy a nearly defunct drive-in movie theater near a major city. I would restore this theater to its former glory, with new screens, speakerboxes, projection equipment, marquee, concession stand, playground equipment, etc. I would make sure that (as much as possible/safe) everything is vintage with what it was in its hayday, if it had one. I would then publicize the bejeezus out of it and charge next to nothing for people to come watch first-run movies. I would sponsor classic car shows there. Drive-ins are a dying breed of Americana worth saving. They rule.
2. I would purchase the entire downtown of a dying mid-sized city (Muncie?) and do the implement the following smart ideas for urban planning: first, kick all the lawyers offices, bail bondsmen, etc off of street level. Build several massive but well disguised parking structures of which the first floor is accessible retail space. Build several features in the area that would attract visitors, including a small arena, a massive public library, and a new college (or new community college campus). I would give free rent for the first ten years to residential and commercial tenants, and I would organize them into mini-districts that make sense: retail, clubs, restaurants, specialty, bohemian shops, etc. I would fill in the vacant lots and parking lots with usable buildings and occasionally greenspace, because all parking needs would be met by the new garages.
3. I would help Amy start a parrot store. She'd LOVE to be her own boss, and she'd get to work with parrots, which is her ultimate dream. And I'd help her make it as technological and chic as possible.
4. I would donate $500 billion to Ball State University, which they could only accept with the following provisions: a) they expand the geography department, adding a human geography program and a doctoral degree; b) they eliminate parking services and allow me to personally torch it and piss on the ashes; c) they fire all of the trustees and president and administration, naming my brother Tim the president and my dog Rikki the provost; d) they quit pretending that their athletic programs matter to anyone and eliminate the ones that hemorrage cash; e) lower tuition for all students by 75@f) rename at least one building after David Letterman and give him an honorary doctorate, and g) they tear down the giant brick dick (bell tower) and replace it with a 38 story parking garage, which is crowned at the top by a 24-hour White Castle with express elevators from the ground level for pedestrians.
5. I would buy a really good version of every instrument known to man, and I would create a huge music room in my house only for the storing and use of these instruments. I would waste hours and hours learning to play these instruments. And I'd want a Moog, too.
6. My rock music project: I would start a massive recording studio that offered recording services, production and video services to any local band that could put together enough decent stuff for an EP. I would put any of this stuff (that the bands wanted to put out) on my non-profit record label for cost, after band's profit. I would publicize every release with the vigor that each Britney Spears release gets, and every band would get air time on my new music video only cable networks. No commercials, and if any cable company didn't want to show it, I'd buy the company and make it happen. The bands would be allowed to sell out and sign with a new bigger commercial label at any time.
7. I would start what would essentially be a national cable access channel. All the best weird crap that the Billy Bobs and Bo Deans of the cable access world create would be featured on this channel. Cash prizes would be given for quality and creativity. It would also be commercial-free.
8. I would buy a minor league baseball team in a larger city. I would pull out many Bill Veeck-like promotions (Disco Demolition, the midget pinch-hitter, free vasectomy night, etc) and have as much fun with it as possible. The gift shops would sell EVERY clothing accessory in sizes up to 10X, and each would be hand-tailored and adjusted so it didn't look ridiculous with the same logo as a child's small. I would also install some nice comfortable chairs just to the left of the dugout on the first base side in the first row. These would be Amy and my seats. I would also manage at least one game per year, and would have my own uniform for this purpose. And maybe I'd bat like once or something too. Hey, it's my team, I can do whatever I want.
9. I'd purchase run-down versions of the following automobiles and supervise/learn how to fix them up by hiring experts to help:
a) 1965 VW Bus. 21 windows with safari windows. It'd be orange and green.
b) 1937 Model A Ford.
c) 1968 Ford LTD convertable, with a massive engine and a convertible top, as customized by the Pimp My Ride guys.
d) 1972 Oldsmobile 442 that's forest green, with lime green tweed interior.
e) 2005 VW Phaeton with the V12 engine, preferably black.
f) 1960 VW Beetle. Dark blue, like my dad's old one was, and fully restored.
g) 1972 VW Safari that's orange, restored.
10. I'd buy each of my friends any house they wanted, anywhere they wanted. I'd buy my parents a decent house, and same for Amy's parents. My parents would also get a summer home in the Colorado Rockies.
1. I would buy a nearly defunct drive-in movie theater near a major city. I would restore this theater to its former glory, with new screens, speakerboxes, projection equipment, marquee, concession stand, playground equipment, etc. I would make sure that (as much as possible/safe) everything is vintage with what it was in its hayday, if it had one. I would then publicize the bejeezus out of it and charge next to nothing for people to come watch first-run movies. I would sponsor classic car shows there. Drive-ins are a dying breed of Americana worth saving. They rule.
2. I would purchase the entire downtown of a dying mid-sized city (Muncie?) and do the implement the following smart ideas for urban planning: first, kick all the lawyers offices, bail bondsmen, etc off of street level. Build several massive but well disguised parking structures of which the first floor is accessible retail space. Build several features in the area that would attract visitors, including a small arena, a massive public library, and a new college (or new community college campus). I would give free rent for the first ten years to residential and commercial tenants, and I would organize them into mini-districts that make sense: retail, clubs, restaurants, specialty, bohemian shops, etc. I would fill in the vacant lots and parking lots with usable buildings and occasionally greenspace, because all parking needs would be met by the new garages.
3. I would help Amy start a parrot store. She'd LOVE to be her own boss, and she'd get to work with parrots, which is her ultimate dream. And I'd help her make it as technological and chic as possible.
4. I would donate $500 billion to Ball State University, which they could only accept with the following provisions: a) they expand the geography department, adding a human geography program and a doctoral degree; b) they eliminate parking services and allow me to personally torch it and piss on the ashes; c) they fire all of the trustees and president and administration, naming my brother Tim the president and my dog Rikki the provost; d) they quit pretending that their athletic programs matter to anyone and eliminate the ones that hemorrage cash; e) lower tuition for all students by 75@f) rename at least one building after David Letterman and give him an honorary doctorate, and g) they tear down the giant brick dick (bell tower) and replace it with a 38 story parking garage, which is crowned at the top by a 24-hour White Castle with express elevators from the ground level for pedestrians.
5. I would buy a really good version of every instrument known to man, and I would create a huge music room in my house only for the storing and use of these instruments. I would waste hours and hours learning to play these instruments. And I'd want a Moog, too.
6. My rock music project: I would start a massive recording studio that offered recording services, production and video services to any local band that could put together enough decent stuff for an EP. I would put any of this stuff (that the bands wanted to put out) on my non-profit record label for cost, after band's profit. I would publicize every release with the vigor that each Britney Spears release gets, and every band would get air time on my new music video only cable networks. No commercials, and if any cable company didn't want to show it, I'd buy the company and make it happen. The bands would be allowed to sell out and sign with a new bigger commercial label at any time.
7. I would start what would essentially be a national cable access channel. All the best weird crap that the Billy Bobs and Bo Deans of the cable access world create would be featured on this channel. Cash prizes would be given for quality and creativity. It would also be commercial-free.
8. I would buy a minor league baseball team in a larger city. I would pull out many Bill Veeck-like promotions (Disco Demolition, the midget pinch-hitter, free vasectomy night, etc) and have as much fun with it as possible. The gift shops would sell EVERY clothing accessory in sizes up to 10X, and each would be hand-tailored and adjusted so it didn't look ridiculous with the same logo as a child's small. I would also install some nice comfortable chairs just to the left of the dugout on the first base side in the first row. These would be Amy and my seats. I would also manage at least one game per year, and would have my own uniform for this purpose. And maybe I'd bat like once or something too. Hey, it's my team, I can do whatever I want.
9. I'd purchase run-down versions of the following automobiles and supervise/learn how to fix them up by hiring experts to help:
a) 1965 VW Bus. 21 windows with safari windows. It'd be orange and green.
b) 1937 Model A Ford.
c) 1968 Ford LTD convertable, with a massive engine and a convertible top, as customized by the Pimp My Ride guys.
d) 1972 Oldsmobile 442 that's forest green, with lime green tweed interior.
e) 2005 VW Phaeton with the V12 engine, preferably black.
f) 1960 VW Beetle. Dark blue, like my dad's old one was, and fully restored.
g) 1972 VW Safari that's orange, restored.
10. I'd buy each of my friends any house they wanted, anywhere they wanted. I'd buy my parents a decent house, and same for Amy's parents. My parents would also get a summer home in the Colorado Rockies.
Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ on August 24, 2005 10:24 PM | Permalink
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