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Maybe this will be an Ivy Tech worktime tradition?
This is the one I got in the mail yesterday.
This is the one I got in the mail yesterday.
1. Your Full name: Andrew Benjamin Shears
2. Do you feel like your name fits you?: I suppose it does. I've never had any other, and I don't really know any other Andys to compare it to.
3. Do you have an alter ego? If so, what is his/her name? I have an alter ego named Pablo. He is an over-horny Mexican who uses incredibly sloppy kisses and loud moans to seduce even the most prudish of women.
4. Where were you born? Ball Memorial Hospital Maternity Ward, Muncie, Indiana, U.S.A., Planet Earth, Solar System, Milky Way.
5. Where do you live? I live in a two bedroom apartment in Muncie.
6. Where do you like to travel? I like to travel anywhere that's not Muncie. Some of my favorite places include St. Thomas of the US Virgin Islands, Colorado, Las Vegas, Washington DC, generally out west, and anywhere I can get a different kind of currency. Jamaica is cool, too.
7. What is your birthday? It's a day that we celebrate one of the worst dates in the history of the earth, September 1, 1981.
8. Do you have siblings? Yes, Tim who is 18.
9. Do you have pets? Yes, three dogs (Rikki- a border collie/borzoi mix, Charley- a boxer/terrier mix, and Audrey- a Lab/pit bull mix), a cat (Clyde), three parrots (Roger- a Blue Crowned Conure, Kelsey- a Senegal, and Hank- a Bare Eyed Conure), and a 55-gallon tank of fish.
10. Which was the happiest year of your life? 2004 has been pretty damn good. I've gotten closer and closer with Amy, I married her and we started our life together... we've gone on a cruise to the Carribean and a roadtrip out west, as well as a honeymoon. I've gotten an amazing amount of work done this year, and I think I've grown up a bit and managed to take more responsibility that I should be taking.
11. How old do you wish you were? This is a loaded question. I certainly don't want to be older yet, and I certainly don't want to be any younger. I'm at a strange place where I want to be taken seriously but not too seriously. If I was any older, I'd be taking on some serious responsibility. If I was any younger, I'd be treated like an infant. I'll take 23 for now.
12. A movie is being made about your life. Who would you cast to play yourself? Deeply philosophical, aren't we? How about a young Rodney Dangerfield crossed with some like macho dude like Sean Connery? Can we do that?
13. Who would you cast to play your significant other? (if you have no significant other, cast someone anyway) I would cast Amy Kay Shears (formerly Eldridge) of Muncie Indiana.
14. How would this movie end? We'd go riding into the sunset together in our car, holding hands.
15. Is it better to be famous or infamous? I'm not sure. Infamous to me suggests someone like John Wayne Bobbitt or Tonya Harding or some 15-minute-of-fame loser like that. Either that, or like... Stalin. Gross. But being famous makes me think of the paparazzi and all that nastiness, were my entire life would be on display. I chose to remain safely anonymous, and if I was famous, I'd want to be famous for my excellent skills as a geographer, something very few people would care about.
16. Youre going to die a natural death. What is the cause? Probably a heart attack. My family history seems to think that I'm either a time bomb or that I'm just starting in my life. Even the old folks in my family die of heart attacks, though, so that's probably the way I'll go. Either that or a stroke.
17. Youre going to die a sudden, tragic death. What is the cause? Probably a car wreck. People who drive around here are crazy, and there isn't a day that goes by that we don't almost die.
18. How long do you plan on living? Until about ten minutes after Amy dies, so I can be with her as long as I can but don't have to live without her.
19. What was the last song you got stuck in your head? You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker, because I sing that to Amy (cover your ears) pretty often. And then, Run Away and Born to Be Alive, because both of those relatively old songs were recently featured on ads that we saw during Law and Order SVU.
20. Sing any commercial jingle. Hotwiiiiiire.... DOT-COM!
21. What is your favorite element on the periodic table? Probably Helium. Pretty harmless, early in, easy to remember, and fun to play with. Also makes balloons go up. I have to say that my least favorite is lead, which is the cause of death of Otis and Simon, and it messes up kids' brains. Nothing good about it.
22. Sunrise or sunset? I'm rarely up for sunrise, and it seems that sunsets are much prettier and last longer. Especially this time of year, when the sunset starts at like 4:45 and lasts until 6.
23. Introvert or extrovert? I'm definitely an introvert, especially when I'm not on my happy pills. I'm too shy and too scared to talk to strangers, and I have social anxiety disorder. Even when I know a room is full of friendly faces, I'm still scared to death, and social situations wear me out!
24. Creation or evolution? I think there is a combination of each. I think that God created everything we see, but I don't think he did it 8,000 years ago, nor do I think he did it in six days on the scale that we're used to. I think evolution occurs, but that God is in charge of it.
25.Action or reaction? Usually reaction, because I'm too lazy to take such a proactive strategy.
26. Unity or individuality? Individuality, for sure. Nothing's more irritating than a bunch of sheep in politics or academics or anywhere else. If everyone was an actual individual instead of being a sheep, we'd have a lot better political situation.
27. Hugs or drugs? Of the two, hugs. I don't like hugs from strangers, though. But even a hug from the worst jerk or the smelliest stranger is still healthier than drugs.
28. Animal, vegetable, or mineral? Me? I'm an animal. Which do I prefer? That depends on context. Minerals can be interesting to cover in one week of Geography 101, but it can be boring of any length of time longer than that.
29. Popsicle, creamcicle, or fudgecicle? Definitely fudgecicle, but creamcicle (orange ones) are a close second.
30. Fight or flight? I don't condone violence unless it's absolutely necessary to protect myself or someone I love. Otherwise, I'd rather negotiate.
31. Who is your favorite historical figure? Probably John F. Kennedy. If he had lived longer, our world nation may have been a much much better place. Second would be FDR, because he did some pretty bold things that should've been done much sooner during the Depression and should still be done today.
32. Which historical figure could we have done without? I'll name a few... Richard Nixon, George Bush Sr, George W. Bush, and Warren Harding. Just because they're jerks.... and I guess along that line, Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Franco, and Tito.
33. What happened in the last dream you remember? I made love to my wife, and then drove to some strange futuristic city with her where we tried to find a place to live. This city is a recurring place that's obviously in some form based on Muncie, but better.
34. Do nice guys really finish last? Absolutely. Unless she insists otherwise.
35. What are your favorite boy names? Broderick, William for kids.... Victor, Raul and Dale for pets.
36. What are your favorite girl names? Rebecca for kids. Don't know about pets.
37. Open or closed? My eyes? About to close because of this boring assed survey.
38. White bread or wheat bread? White.
39. Is it better to burn out than to fade away? I think it's better to fade away. I mean, look at sports and rock history. Anyone who burns out keeps trying to comeback over and over again, so obviously something is going unfulfilled if you burn out. Look at Vanilla Ice... he went all suicidal during the backlash against him. I'd rather fade away... like the Ramones or any one of these oldies bands that tour these days.
40. You put a quarter into a toy machine. What comes out? Little Homies.
41.What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a professor of geography at the college level, but at a college that I don't have to frequently churn out new research to keep my job. I want to dedicate my life to teaching geography to college students. And maybe get some academic achievements of my own done on the side.
42. What were your favourite childhood toys? My Pound Puppy "Paws."
43. What was your first pet? An old mutt named Barney. He was a year older than I was, and he died when I was 17 years old. He was always an excellent dog... put up with everything, and never did anything wrong.
44. What annoys you? Old people who drive. Wal-Mart and corporate America. Bureaucracy at school. Financial institutions. Middle aged women who think they need to teach Amy and I life lessons as we return something that broke to Wal-Mart. People who vote Republican.
45. What is your favourite action caption from the old batman tv show? (example. "pow" or "blam") Ka-bloooey!
46. How many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop? I did a project on this for science fair in fifth grade. It takes 1,019 licks. We did like 50 of them and averaged it.
47. The glass... half empty or half full? The glass is too fucking big.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON
48. Tightie whities. Good for sports and the right uses. Good for those days when the boys need some support. Bad for having babies, or general comfort.
49. Mc Donalds happy meals. These are Satan's attempts to get into the hearts of children.
50. Reality shows. They are a definite sign of the decline of our culture even further into oblivion.
51. Gummi bears or gummi worms? Gummy worms... you can suck them in like spaghetti.
52.Would you rather sky dive or deep sea dive? Deep sea dive, definitely. Less risk of death, and you'll see things much more amazing. And any idiot can pay $100 to go skydiving.
53. Paper or plastic? Usually plastic.
54. What position do you sleep in? Usually snuggling my wife in some fashion. If not, usually on my stomach or my side. Never on my back unless I'm sick or drugged.
55. Do you sleep on the left, right, or the middle of the bed? I sleep on the right side of the bed, if you're standing on the end looking at it.
56. Sweet or sour? Sweet, definitely.
57. What was your favourite after school special? I was always in activities after school, so I never got to watch any of these.
58.What is your favourite word? Probably "regardless"
59. Beach or mountains? Definitely mountains. More wildlife, cooler temperatures, trees.... beaches are overrated, because you can do the same thing from a beach at a mountain lake and be in much better surroundings.
60. Mounds or almond joy? Neither.
61. Do YOU feel like a nut? Does this have something to do with a self prostate exam?
62. To give or to recieve? To give. Receiving is just a bonus, but nothing's better than getting someone something they really wanted and didn't expect to get for free. And, I sometimes feel guilty when I get stuff.
63. Chocolate or caramel? Depends on the context. Chocolate more often, though sometimes I crave caramel.
64. Do you have any nicknames? Yeah, "Andy" and "Fat-Ass." Besides that, people on my dorm floor freshman year called me "Bacon."
65. What does your name mean? According to all of those things you can buy about your name, my name means strong and manly. Whatever.
66. Have you ever fainted? Yes, but only when sick anyway.
67.Have you ever had a crush on a school teacher? Um, yes. And it was in high school! It was totally on my english teacher, too! She was so cute, though, and young.
68.What was the last thing you ate? Six generic pizza rolls and microwave sausage links on a sandwich. Gross, but cheap.
69.Do you have any bad habits? I bite my nails regularly, I fart on command... I don't keep my living area clean nor do I wash dishes very often. I don't shower as often as I should either. I used to smoke, but I got rid of that.
WORD ASSOCIATION
what is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear...
70. Grey... African parrot, at least when it's spelled like that.
71. Human... rights.
72. Fruit loop... Otis and Simon (RIP).
73. Glove... What does it mean when a guy has big hands?
74. Plum... Gross.
75. Structure... discipline.
76. Race... Ethnicity.
77. Heart... Amy.
78. Parasite... virus.
79. What was your first happy memory? Going with my parents to some mall somewhere, holding both of their hands and every three steps they'd say 'wheeee!' and pick me up and swing me.
80. What was your first unhappy memory? Being at preschool and jumping off of the jungle gym and landing on my head and having to go to the hospital. The doctors somehow thought my parents had been beating me so they asked me 2000 times how it happened. I had a concussion from it, so it was surreal and scary. I've hated hospitals ever since.
81. If you could visit any time period, what would it be? Well, I would go to fight in World War II if I knew I could make it out alive and in one piece. I would like to visit colonial times in the United States, as well as the wild west and the Civil War. I would also like to visit pre World War II Europe.
82.What would Jesus do? He wouldn't sell bracelets asking what he'd do. He'd sell something more significant for cheaper that people wouldn't so easily forget. And, he's wear a Rolex on his televis-i-ooon.... shooooooow!
83. Make up a word and define it. Prothalmalgament... a structure that promotes the thawing of loose meat sandwiches and other bad food.
84. Favorite kool aid flavor? Cherry and lemonade.
85. Favorite pick up line? "I lost my teddy bear.... (wait).... Will you sleep with me?"
86. Who was the third gunman on the grassy knoll? Lawrence Welk.
87. What did you like to make believe as a child? That I was a world famous scientist. No joke, I curated a small a museum in my bedroom for a while that consisted of toy dinosaur skeletons, globes and maps, pictures from National Geographics, sea shells, and rocks. (BLUSH)
88. Did you have an immaginary friend? Yeah, until I was like two and I don't remember his name or anything, but I remember buckling him into my parents' station wagon.
89. Would you like to live in a castle or a mansion? I'd rather live in a decent size house than any of the above. Something that big would be impossible to take care of.
90. Re-arrange some of the letters in your first, middle, and last name to form a description of yourself. He's bad news, man.
91. Do it fast or do it right? I can do both.
92.What was the last book you read? America the Book from the Daily Show.
93. Have you ever had surgery? Yeah, just a few weeks ago on my ear. It was creepy.
94. Random fact about you... I've played the viola in front of 3,000 people.
95. What is the first thing you wash in the shower? My chest.
96. What is your favorite cereal? Corn flakes soaked the the point of soggy.
97. If you could learn any foreign language, what would it be? Either something completely obscure like Basque, something in line with my heritage like German, or something useful like Spanish.
98. If you had the choice to live forever, would you? Well, religiously I guess I will. But, I don't want to be on earth that long.
99. If you had the choice to be the opposite sex for a day, would you? Absolutely, and I'd play with myself all day too.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
100. Fate? Yes, I do. I think God has a plan about the whole thing. What's supposed to happen will happen.
101. Ghosts? No, I think the whole ghost and haunting thing is stupid.
102. God? Yes.
103. Big foot? Certainly, I have two of them.
104. Soul mates? Yes, I've met her. Her name is Amy.
105. Aliens? I'm sure that there is life elsewhere in the universe, absolutely. The mathematical probability is two great.
106. Angels? Do I have to if I believe in God? I guess. Their commercialized form is stupid though.
107. Loch ness monster? No, I think we would've found it and caged it by now.
108. Heaven and hell? Yes, that goes with the God thing.
109. The Zodiac? Talk about stupid bullshit! Zodiac and moonphases and psychic bullshit serves no purpose but relieving the stupid people of their money.
110. Love at first sight? Absolutely. See Amy.
111. Karma? Certainly. The more you shit upon people, the more you are shit upon.
112.Vampires? No, that's dumb.
113. If you had any super power, what would it be? I would want to play the all instruments ever invented better than any person on the earth.
114. Would you use your power for good or evil? Making music, as long as it isn't done to worship Satan, is never evil.
115. Name something nostalgic. Radio Flyer red wagon.
116. What are your turn ons in the opposite sex? Intelligence and compatability, as well as sarcasm. Eyes, hair and skin have to be the right color scheme. Skin has to be soft and snuggly. Lips have to kiss well. And that little place just above and between the boobs that's nice and soft, on Amy... mmmm... And good legs are absolutely necessary... fishnet stockings. Boobs are mostly optional, but nice ones are great.
117. What are your turn offs in the opposite sex? Gossipers, stupid girls, bimbos, blond hair, hairy armpits, drugs, smoking, promiscuity.
118. What was the best compliment ever given to you? When Amy married me, and I knew she really really really meant it forever.
119. Which character from Scooby Doo do you most relate to? None, really.
120. What is the worst trend of the present time? Reality Television, a trend that is thankfully dying.
121. Beer or wine? Beer, of course.
123. You cant sleep. What do you do? Get up and read or work on stuff I should have done anyway.
124. Do you wear jewelry? A wedding ring, sometimes my class ring, and a watch sometimes. I have earrings around here somewhere for my left ear, and a necklace.
125. What is your favorite smell? New rubber in a tire store, gasoline sometimes, and Amy, french vanilla fragrance, and Old Spice.
126. What was the best decade of the past century? The 1920s, at least in the United States, because there wasn't a care in the world and you could get away with just about everything. It was before we really screwed everything up. Of course, in Europe, the 1920s were terrible...
127. Which is your favorite month of the year? October, because the month goes from completely comfortable outside to changing leaves to falling leaves to autumn time.
128. Do you smoke? No, but I used to. For five years.
129. Do you drink? Not really anymore. I used to a good bit, but now it's an occasional beer and that's it.
130. What was your favorite subject in school? Social studies.
131. What was your worst subject in school? Physical Education.
132. If you had to give up one of your senses, what would it be? Probably my sense of smell. I mean, it'd be sad not to smell your own farts, but... whatever, right?
133. Do you follow your head, your heart, or your crotch? Usually my head, which is strongly influenced by my heart.
134. Do you truly know who you are? After two marriages and one divorce, I guess I would have to know something about myself, but yet be completely lost about other things.
135. Are you superstitious? Not really. I believe in good and bad luck, but nothing OCD like that.
136. Are you sentimental? Absolutely, it's a vital part of being a Romantic. This autumn has been big on the sentiment because last autumn I fell in love with Amy.
137. How many times a day do you eat? Two to three.
138. Are you more of a main idea or detail type of person? I get the main idea out of the way first, but then I have to figure out every detail. I deal with details the best... sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.
139. What is your favorite pie? Wick's Sugar Cream.
140. Have you ever been close to death? Not physically. Emotionally, I have.
141. Do you like roller coasters? I do, but I'm really too tall and fat to fit anymore in them really.
142. Apples or oranges? Oranges, especially juice.
143. Are you hyperactive? No.
144. Do you talk in your sleep? Yeah, Amy says that I say all kinds of weird shit. The time I was sick before my life was flushed I got on some prescription drugs and started reciting Shakespearean sonnets at 2 am at the top of my voice.
145. What is your favorite holiday? I think I answered this on the last survey.
146. Do you go to church? Yeah, sometimes. I would prefer to go to a Lutheran Church, but typically we go to Amy's church, the Church of Christ. But, that's another post altogether.
147. At what age do you think you will be married? I was married at both 21 and 22. I hope to stay married now until I'm 140.
148. If you could open up your own business, what would it be? Parrot store with Amy, or a book or record store.
149. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I think it was Hillary Toivenen in preschool, though when I asked her about it some time later she denied. Other than that it would've been Amanda Lyons in kindergarten.
150. What is your weakness? Amy in fishnet stockings.
151. What was the last movie you saw that made you cry? My Dog Skip.
152. If love were a flavor, which flavor would it be? Chocolate cream.
153. If hate were a flavor, which flavor would it be? General Tso's Chicken.
154. Have you ever been prescribed any drugs? Which ones? Come on... some anti-depressants, some anti-anxiety drugs, and probably some pain pills and some antibiotics.
155. Is lying sometimes necessary? Sure, to surprise someone.
156. Bubbleyum or bubblicious? Neither, I don't chew gum.
157. What is your favorite curse word? Goat-fucker or Horse-shit.
158. Do you have any birthmarks? No.
159. If you could visit anywhere in the US, where would it be? Alaska. Definitely.
160. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be? Europe. For three months with unlimited funds.
162. Do you feel like your physical self matches your personality? It's the only physical self I've ever had, so I guess.
163. What was the name of your kindergarten teacher? Mrs. Carolyn MacDougall.
164. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses.
165. How tall are you? 6'4"
166. How tall would you like to be? 6'
167. Your current mood: Bored with this retarded survey.
168. Do you dress up for halloween? If I have a party to go to, I love to dress up.
169. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah, but only bumps, nothing major.
170. What is your favorite lucky charm? The ones that aren't marshmallows.
171. What color of underwear are you wearing? Green plaid boxers.
172. Do you tend to date people younger or older than you? I tend to date girls that are older, but Amy is younger and that's worked better than anything ever.
173. Do your exes look alike? Not really. I mean they have some similar characteristics that I am attracted to... hence the reason I dated them in the first place.
174. Do your exes act alike? No, only one of them is an absolute complete heinous bitch of a cunt-rag. I hope she dies poor, lonely and with 500 STDs.
175. Have you ever been in love? A couple of times. It's a dangerous thing to do.
176. What is your favorite kids movie? Shrek was pretty good. I secretly liked The Lion King, too.
177. Have you ever hallucinated? Sure, especially while on various drugs.
178. What do you like most about the opposite sex? Everything.
179. What do you hate most about the opposite sex? Gossipping and squealing.
180. Have you ever been on a blind date? Yes, several times.
181. Would you want to be cloned? No, I wouldn't unleash that on the world. Yuck.
182. Have you ever peed in public? If you've drank in excess, you've peed in public.
183. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Usually a pessimist, because besides Amy, everything goes wrong.
184. How did you find out that there was no santa claus? I never thought there really was one.
185. Pancakes or waffles? Pancakes with chocolate chips.
186. Are you on a diet? If you count gorging yourself as a diet...
187. Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Because I'm color blind and I have no idea what the grass looks like.
188. Do you always want what you cant have? No, I have everything I want.
189. Do you act stupid around someone you have a crush on? Yeah, sometimes I still act stupid around Amy. This was soooo written by a 14 year old.
190. Have you ever been arrested? Nah, not really.
191. Can you cook? With the best of them.
192. Do you think its wrong/weird if a girl asks a guy out? No.
193. Do you have any allergies? Monosodium Glutumate and Eggs.
194. Ketchup or catsup? Ketchup, and lots of it.
195. Do you believe there is a meaning to life? If so, what is it? To love one another and to tolerate the rest.
196. What do you think about before you fall asleep? The past day, the next day, and making love to Amy.
197. What are your thoughts on the nature of good and evil? Hrm... Good is good and evil is evil, and you can't have one without the other for comparison.
198. Step into your cave. There you will find your power animal. What kind of animal is it? A moose.
199. What does your power animal say to you? "Get the fuck out of my cave, bitch!"
200. End this survey with a quote: "This survey is the absolute stupidest survey I have ever completed in my entire life. I wish I could have the last hour of my life back." -- Andy
And unfortunately, you can't have the last minutes of your life back, either. Sorry.
2. Do you feel like your name fits you?: I suppose it does. I've never had any other, and I don't really know any other Andys to compare it to.
3. Do you have an alter ego? If so, what is his/her name? I have an alter ego named Pablo. He is an over-horny Mexican who uses incredibly sloppy kisses and loud moans to seduce even the most prudish of women.
4. Where were you born? Ball Memorial Hospital Maternity Ward, Muncie, Indiana, U.S.A., Planet Earth, Solar System, Milky Way.
5. Where do you live? I live in a two bedroom apartment in Muncie.
6. Where do you like to travel? I like to travel anywhere that's not Muncie. Some of my favorite places include St. Thomas of the US Virgin Islands, Colorado, Las Vegas, Washington DC, generally out west, and anywhere I can get a different kind of currency. Jamaica is cool, too.
7. What is your birthday? It's a day that we celebrate one of the worst dates in the history of the earth, September 1, 1981.
8. Do you have siblings? Yes, Tim who is 18.
9. Do you have pets? Yes, three dogs (Rikki- a border collie/borzoi mix, Charley- a boxer/terrier mix, and Audrey- a Lab/pit bull mix), a cat (Clyde), three parrots (Roger- a Blue Crowned Conure, Kelsey- a Senegal, and Hank- a Bare Eyed Conure), and a 55-gallon tank of fish.
10. Which was the happiest year of your life? 2004 has been pretty damn good. I've gotten closer and closer with Amy, I married her and we started our life together... we've gone on a cruise to the Carribean and a roadtrip out west, as well as a honeymoon. I've gotten an amazing amount of work done this year, and I think I've grown up a bit and managed to take more responsibility that I should be taking.
11. How old do you wish you were? This is a loaded question. I certainly don't want to be older yet, and I certainly don't want to be any younger. I'm at a strange place where I want to be taken seriously but not too seriously. If I was any older, I'd be taking on some serious responsibility. If I was any younger, I'd be treated like an infant. I'll take 23 for now.
12. A movie is being made about your life. Who would you cast to play yourself? Deeply philosophical, aren't we? How about a young Rodney Dangerfield crossed with some like macho dude like Sean Connery? Can we do that?
13. Who would you cast to play your significant other? (if you have no significant other, cast someone anyway) I would cast Amy Kay Shears (formerly Eldridge) of Muncie Indiana.
14. How would this movie end? We'd go riding into the sunset together in our car, holding hands.
15. Is it better to be famous or infamous? I'm not sure. Infamous to me suggests someone like John Wayne Bobbitt or Tonya Harding or some 15-minute-of-fame loser like that. Either that, or like... Stalin. Gross. But being famous makes me think of the paparazzi and all that nastiness, were my entire life would be on display. I chose to remain safely anonymous, and if I was famous, I'd want to be famous for my excellent skills as a geographer, something very few people would care about.
16. Youre going to die a natural death. What is the cause? Probably a heart attack. My family history seems to think that I'm either a time bomb or that I'm just starting in my life. Even the old folks in my family die of heart attacks, though, so that's probably the way I'll go. Either that or a stroke.
17. Youre going to die a sudden, tragic death. What is the cause? Probably a car wreck. People who drive around here are crazy, and there isn't a day that goes by that we don't almost die.
18. How long do you plan on living? Until about ten minutes after Amy dies, so I can be with her as long as I can but don't have to live without her.
19. What was the last song you got stuck in your head? You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker, because I sing that to Amy (cover your ears) pretty often. And then, Run Away and Born to Be Alive, because both of those relatively old songs were recently featured on ads that we saw during Law and Order SVU.
20. Sing any commercial jingle. Hotwiiiiiire.... DOT-COM!
21. What is your favorite element on the periodic table? Probably Helium. Pretty harmless, early in, easy to remember, and fun to play with. Also makes balloons go up. I have to say that my least favorite is lead, which is the cause of death of Otis and Simon, and it messes up kids' brains. Nothing good about it.
22. Sunrise or sunset? I'm rarely up for sunrise, and it seems that sunsets are much prettier and last longer. Especially this time of year, when the sunset starts at like 4:45 and lasts until 6.
23. Introvert or extrovert? I'm definitely an introvert, especially when I'm not on my happy pills. I'm too shy and too scared to talk to strangers, and I have social anxiety disorder. Even when I know a room is full of friendly faces, I'm still scared to death, and social situations wear me out!
24. Creation or evolution? I think there is a combination of each. I think that God created everything we see, but I don't think he did it 8,000 years ago, nor do I think he did it in six days on the scale that we're used to. I think evolution occurs, but that God is in charge of it.
25.Action or reaction? Usually reaction, because I'm too lazy to take such a proactive strategy.
26. Unity or individuality? Individuality, for sure. Nothing's more irritating than a bunch of sheep in politics or academics or anywhere else. If everyone was an actual individual instead of being a sheep, we'd have a lot better political situation.
27. Hugs or drugs? Of the two, hugs. I don't like hugs from strangers, though. But even a hug from the worst jerk or the smelliest stranger is still healthier than drugs.
28. Animal, vegetable, or mineral? Me? I'm an animal. Which do I prefer? That depends on context. Minerals can be interesting to cover in one week of Geography 101, but it can be boring of any length of time longer than that.
29. Popsicle, creamcicle, or fudgecicle? Definitely fudgecicle, but creamcicle (orange ones) are a close second.
30. Fight or flight? I don't condone violence unless it's absolutely necessary to protect myself or someone I love. Otherwise, I'd rather negotiate.
31. Who is your favorite historical figure? Probably John F. Kennedy. If he had lived longer, our world nation may have been a much much better place. Second would be FDR, because he did some pretty bold things that should've been done much sooner during the Depression and should still be done today.
32. Which historical figure could we have done without? I'll name a few... Richard Nixon, George Bush Sr, George W. Bush, and Warren Harding. Just because they're jerks.... and I guess along that line, Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Franco, and Tito.
33. What happened in the last dream you remember? I made love to my wife, and then drove to some strange futuristic city with her where we tried to find a place to live. This city is a recurring place that's obviously in some form based on Muncie, but better.
34. Do nice guys really finish last? Absolutely. Unless she insists otherwise.
35. What are your favorite boy names? Broderick, William for kids.... Victor, Raul and Dale for pets.
36. What are your favorite girl names? Rebecca for kids. Don't know about pets.
37. Open or closed? My eyes? About to close because of this boring assed survey.
38. White bread or wheat bread? White.
39. Is it better to burn out than to fade away? I think it's better to fade away. I mean, look at sports and rock history. Anyone who burns out keeps trying to comeback over and over again, so obviously something is going unfulfilled if you burn out. Look at Vanilla Ice... he went all suicidal during the backlash against him. I'd rather fade away... like the Ramones or any one of these oldies bands that tour these days.
40. You put a quarter into a toy machine. What comes out? Little Homies.
41.What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a professor of geography at the college level, but at a college that I don't have to frequently churn out new research to keep my job. I want to dedicate my life to teaching geography to college students. And maybe get some academic achievements of my own done on the side.
42. What were your favourite childhood toys? My Pound Puppy "Paws."
43. What was your first pet? An old mutt named Barney. He was a year older than I was, and he died when I was 17 years old. He was always an excellent dog... put up with everything, and never did anything wrong.
44. What annoys you? Old people who drive. Wal-Mart and corporate America. Bureaucracy at school. Financial institutions. Middle aged women who think they need to teach Amy and I life lessons as we return something that broke to Wal-Mart. People who vote Republican.
45. What is your favourite action caption from the old batman tv show? (example. "pow" or "blam") Ka-bloooey!
46. How many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop? I did a project on this for science fair in fifth grade. It takes 1,019 licks. We did like 50 of them and averaged it.
47. The glass... half empty or half full? The glass is too fucking big.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON
48. Tightie whities. Good for sports and the right uses. Good for those days when the boys need some support. Bad for having babies, or general comfort.
49. Mc Donalds happy meals. These are Satan's attempts to get into the hearts of children.
50. Reality shows. They are a definite sign of the decline of our culture even further into oblivion.
51. Gummi bears or gummi worms? Gummy worms... you can suck them in like spaghetti.
52.Would you rather sky dive or deep sea dive? Deep sea dive, definitely. Less risk of death, and you'll see things much more amazing. And any idiot can pay $100 to go skydiving.
53. Paper or plastic? Usually plastic.
54. What position do you sleep in? Usually snuggling my wife in some fashion. If not, usually on my stomach or my side. Never on my back unless I'm sick or drugged.
55. Do you sleep on the left, right, or the middle of the bed? I sleep on the right side of the bed, if you're standing on the end looking at it.
56. Sweet or sour? Sweet, definitely.
57. What was your favourite after school special? I was always in activities after school, so I never got to watch any of these.
58.What is your favourite word? Probably "regardless"
59. Beach or mountains? Definitely mountains. More wildlife, cooler temperatures, trees.... beaches are overrated, because you can do the same thing from a beach at a mountain lake and be in much better surroundings.
60. Mounds or almond joy? Neither.
61. Do YOU feel like a nut? Does this have something to do with a self prostate exam?
62. To give or to recieve? To give. Receiving is just a bonus, but nothing's better than getting someone something they really wanted and didn't expect to get for free. And, I sometimes feel guilty when I get stuff.
63. Chocolate or caramel? Depends on the context. Chocolate more often, though sometimes I crave caramel.
64. Do you have any nicknames? Yeah, "Andy" and "Fat-Ass." Besides that, people on my dorm floor freshman year called me "Bacon."
65. What does your name mean? According to all of those things you can buy about your name, my name means strong and manly. Whatever.
66. Have you ever fainted? Yes, but only when sick anyway.
67.Have you ever had a crush on a school teacher? Um, yes. And it was in high school! It was totally on my english teacher, too! She was so cute, though, and young.
68.What was the last thing you ate? Six generic pizza rolls and microwave sausage links on a sandwich. Gross, but cheap.
69.Do you have any bad habits? I bite my nails regularly, I fart on command... I don't keep my living area clean nor do I wash dishes very often. I don't shower as often as I should either. I used to smoke, but I got rid of that.
WORD ASSOCIATION
what is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear...
70. Grey... African parrot, at least when it's spelled like that.
71. Human... rights.
72. Fruit loop... Otis and Simon (RIP).
73. Glove... What does it mean when a guy has big hands?
74. Plum... Gross.
75. Structure... discipline.
76. Race... Ethnicity.
77. Heart... Amy.
78. Parasite... virus.
79. What was your first happy memory? Going with my parents to some mall somewhere, holding both of their hands and every three steps they'd say 'wheeee!' and pick me up and swing me.
80. What was your first unhappy memory? Being at preschool and jumping off of the jungle gym and landing on my head and having to go to the hospital. The doctors somehow thought my parents had been beating me so they asked me 2000 times how it happened. I had a concussion from it, so it was surreal and scary. I've hated hospitals ever since.
81. If you could visit any time period, what would it be? Well, I would go to fight in World War II if I knew I could make it out alive and in one piece. I would like to visit colonial times in the United States, as well as the wild west and the Civil War. I would also like to visit pre World War II Europe.
82.What would Jesus do? He wouldn't sell bracelets asking what he'd do. He'd sell something more significant for cheaper that people wouldn't so easily forget. And, he's wear a Rolex on his televis-i-ooon.... shooooooow!
83. Make up a word and define it. Prothalmalgament... a structure that promotes the thawing of loose meat sandwiches and other bad food.
84. Favorite kool aid flavor? Cherry and lemonade.
85. Favorite pick up line? "I lost my teddy bear.... (wait).... Will you sleep with me?"
86. Who was the third gunman on the grassy knoll? Lawrence Welk.
87. What did you like to make believe as a child? That I was a world famous scientist. No joke, I curated a small a museum in my bedroom for a while that consisted of toy dinosaur skeletons, globes and maps, pictures from National Geographics, sea shells, and rocks. (BLUSH)
88. Did you have an immaginary friend? Yeah, until I was like two and I don't remember his name or anything, but I remember buckling him into my parents' station wagon.
89. Would you like to live in a castle or a mansion? I'd rather live in a decent size house than any of the above. Something that big would be impossible to take care of.
90. Re-arrange some of the letters in your first, middle, and last name to form a description of yourself. He's bad news, man.
91. Do it fast or do it right? I can do both.
92.What was the last book you read? America the Book from the Daily Show.
93. Have you ever had surgery? Yeah, just a few weeks ago on my ear. It was creepy.
94. Random fact about you... I've played the viola in front of 3,000 people.
95. What is the first thing you wash in the shower? My chest.
96. What is your favorite cereal? Corn flakes soaked the the point of soggy.
97. If you could learn any foreign language, what would it be? Either something completely obscure like Basque, something in line with my heritage like German, or something useful like Spanish.
98. If you had the choice to live forever, would you? Well, religiously I guess I will. But, I don't want to be on earth that long.
99. If you had the choice to be the opposite sex for a day, would you? Absolutely, and I'd play with myself all day too.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
100. Fate? Yes, I do. I think God has a plan about the whole thing. What's supposed to happen will happen.
101. Ghosts? No, I think the whole ghost and haunting thing is stupid.
102. God? Yes.
103. Big foot? Certainly, I have two of them.
104. Soul mates? Yes, I've met her. Her name is Amy.
105. Aliens? I'm sure that there is life elsewhere in the universe, absolutely. The mathematical probability is two great.
106. Angels? Do I have to if I believe in God? I guess. Their commercialized form is stupid though.
107. Loch ness monster? No, I think we would've found it and caged it by now.
108. Heaven and hell? Yes, that goes with the God thing.
109. The Zodiac? Talk about stupid bullshit! Zodiac and moonphases and psychic bullshit serves no purpose but relieving the stupid people of their money.
110. Love at first sight? Absolutely. See Amy.
111. Karma? Certainly. The more you shit upon people, the more you are shit upon.
112.Vampires? No, that's dumb.
113. If you had any super power, what would it be? I would want to play the all instruments ever invented better than any person on the earth.
114. Would you use your power for good or evil? Making music, as long as it isn't done to worship Satan, is never evil.
115. Name something nostalgic. Radio Flyer red wagon.
116. What are your turn ons in the opposite sex? Intelligence and compatability, as well as sarcasm. Eyes, hair and skin have to be the right color scheme. Skin has to be soft and snuggly. Lips have to kiss well. And that little place just above and between the boobs that's nice and soft, on Amy... mmmm... And good legs are absolutely necessary... fishnet stockings. Boobs are mostly optional, but nice ones are great.
117. What are your turn offs in the opposite sex? Gossipers, stupid girls, bimbos, blond hair, hairy armpits, drugs, smoking, promiscuity.
118. What was the best compliment ever given to you? When Amy married me, and I knew she really really really meant it forever.
119. Which character from Scooby Doo do you most relate to? None, really.
120. What is the worst trend of the present time? Reality Television, a trend that is thankfully dying.
121. Beer or wine? Beer, of course.
123. You cant sleep. What do you do? Get up and read or work on stuff I should have done anyway.
124. Do you wear jewelry? A wedding ring, sometimes my class ring, and a watch sometimes. I have earrings around here somewhere for my left ear, and a necklace.
125. What is your favorite smell? New rubber in a tire store, gasoline sometimes, and Amy, french vanilla fragrance, and Old Spice.
126. What was the best decade of the past century? The 1920s, at least in the United States, because there wasn't a care in the world and you could get away with just about everything. It was before we really screwed everything up. Of course, in Europe, the 1920s were terrible...
127. Which is your favorite month of the year? October, because the month goes from completely comfortable outside to changing leaves to falling leaves to autumn time.
128. Do you smoke? No, but I used to. For five years.
129. Do you drink? Not really anymore. I used to a good bit, but now it's an occasional beer and that's it.
130. What was your favorite subject in school? Social studies.
131. What was your worst subject in school? Physical Education.
132. If you had to give up one of your senses, what would it be? Probably my sense of smell. I mean, it'd be sad not to smell your own farts, but... whatever, right?
133. Do you follow your head, your heart, or your crotch? Usually my head, which is strongly influenced by my heart.
134. Do you truly know who you are? After two marriages and one divorce, I guess I would have to know something about myself, but yet be completely lost about other things.
135. Are you superstitious? Not really. I believe in good and bad luck, but nothing OCD like that.
136. Are you sentimental? Absolutely, it's a vital part of being a Romantic. This autumn has been big on the sentiment because last autumn I fell in love with Amy.
137. How many times a day do you eat? Two to three.
138. Are you more of a main idea or detail type of person? I get the main idea out of the way first, but then I have to figure out every detail. I deal with details the best... sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.
139. What is your favorite pie? Wick's Sugar Cream.
140. Have you ever been close to death? Not physically. Emotionally, I have.
141. Do you like roller coasters? I do, but I'm really too tall and fat to fit anymore in them really.
142. Apples or oranges? Oranges, especially juice.
143. Are you hyperactive? No.
144. Do you talk in your sleep? Yeah, Amy says that I say all kinds of weird shit. The time I was sick before my life was flushed I got on some prescription drugs and started reciting Shakespearean sonnets at 2 am at the top of my voice.
145. What is your favorite holiday? I think I answered this on the last survey.
146. Do you go to church? Yeah, sometimes. I would prefer to go to a Lutheran Church, but typically we go to Amy's church, the Church of Christ. But, that's another post altogether.
147. At what age do you think you will be married? I was married at both 21 and 22. I hope to stay married now until I'm 140.
148. If you could open up your own business, what would it be? Parrot store with Amy, or a book or record store.
149. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I think it was Hillary Toivenen in preschool, though when I asked her about it some time later she denied. Other than that it would've been Amanda Lyons in kindergarten.
150. What is your weakness? Amy in fishnet stockings.
151. What was the last movie you saw that made you cry? My Dog Skip.
152. If love were a flavor, which flavor would it be? Chocolate cream.
153. If hate were a flavor, which flavor would it be? General Tso's Chicken.
154. Have you ever been prescribed any drugs? Which ones? Come on... some anti-depressants, some anti-anxiety drugs, and probably some pain pills and some antibiotics.
155. Is lying sometimes necessary? Sure, to surprise someone.
156. Bubbleyum or bubblicious? Neither, I don't chew gum.
157. What is your favorite curse word? Goat-fucker or Horse-shit.
158. Do you have any birthmarks? No.
159. If you could visit anywhere in the US, where would it be? Alaska. Definitely.
160. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be? Europe. For three months with unlimited funds.
162. Do you feel like your physical self matches your personality? It's the only physical self I've ever had, so I guess.
163. What was the name of your kindergarten teacher? Mrs. Carolyn MacDougall.
164. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses.
165. How tall are you? 6'4"
166. How tall would you like to be? 6'
167. Your current mood: Bored with this retarded survey.
168. Do you dress up for halloween? If I have a party to go to, I love to dress up.
169. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah, but only bumps, nothing major.
170. What is your favorite lucky charm? The ones that aren't marshmallows.
171. What color of underwear are you wearing? Green plaid boxers.
172. Do you tend to date people younger or older than you? I tend to date girls that are older, but Amy is younger and that's worked better than anything ever.
173. Do your exes look alike? Not really. I mean they have some similar characteristics that I am attracted to... hence the reason I dated them in the first place.
174. Do your exes act alike? No, only one of them is an absolute complete heinous bitch of a cunt-rag. I hope she dies poor, lonely and with 500 STDs.
175. Have you ever been in love? A couple of times. It's a dangerous thing to do.
176. What is your favorite kids movie? Shrek was pretty good. I secretly liked The Lion King, too.
177. Have you ever hallucinated? Sure, especially while on various drugs.
178. What do you like most about the opposite sex? Everything.
179. What do you hate most about the opposite sex? Gossipping and squealing.
180. Have you ever been on a blind date? Yes, several times.
181. Would you want to be cloned? No, I wouldn't unleash that on the world. Yuck.
182. Have you ever peed in public? If you've drank in excess, you've peed in public.
183. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Usually a pessimist, because besides Amy, everything goes wrong.
184. How did you find out that there was no santa claus? I never thought there really was one.
185. Pancakes or waffles? Pancakes with chocolate chips.
186. Are you on a diet? If you count gorging yourself as a diet...
187. Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Because I'm color blind and I have no idea what the grass looks like.
188. Do you always want what you cant have? No, I have everything I want.
189. Do you act stupid around someone you have a crush on? Yeah, sometimes I still act stupid around Amy. This was soooo written by a 14 year old.
190. Have you ever been arrested? Nah, not really.
191. Can you cook? With the best of them.
192. Do you think its wrong/weird if a girl asks a guy out? No.
193. Do you have any allergies? Monosodium Glutumate and Eggs.
194. Ketchup or catsup? Ketchup, and lots of it.
195. Do you believe there is a meaning to life? If so, what is it? To love one another and to tolerate the rest.
196. What do you think about before you fall asleep? The past day, the next day, and making love to Amy.
197. What are your thoughts on the nature of good and evil? Hrm... Good is good and evil is evil, and you can't have one without the other for comparison.
198. Step into your cave. There you will find your power animal. What kind of animal is it? A moose.
199. What does your power animal say to you? "Get the fuck out of my cave, bitch!"
200. End this survey with a quote: "This survey is the absolute stupidest survey I have ever completed in my entire life. I wish I could have the last hour of my life back." -- Andy
And unfortunately, you can't have the last minutes of your life back, either. Sorry.
Posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood DJ on November 18, 2004 09:45 PM | Permalink
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